Introduction To The Articles

Ch I My First Impression

Ch II Ma Anandamayee: An Introduction

Ch III Faith And Doubt

Ch IV Two Incidents

Ch V Mother's Physical Aspect

Ch VI One Aspect Of Mataji's Teaching

Ch VII Mother And The Supernatural Powers

Ch VIII Three Stories

Ch IX Some Incidents During Birthday Celebrations (Part A And B)

Ch X On The Teaching Of Shree Shree Ma Anadamayee

Ch XI What Mother Is Not

Ch XII Rubric For Westerners

Ch XIII Hindu Temples And Worship

Ch XIV Notebook

These articles on Ma Anandamayi were mostly written in the 50ies by Vijayananda. He was a French doctor who met Ma in 1951 at the age of 36 and decided to stay with her. He never went back to France. One can follow the evolution of his experiences with Ma through the pages. These texts were primarily written for Ananda Varta, a quarterly devoted to Ma Anandamayi. Its readership was composed of people already acquainted and attracted by Ma, hence the spontaneity of Vijayananda when expressing his love and veneration for Ma; he knew that the readers would feel immediately of what he was talking; still, for the people who does not know Ma much, the sincerity of the author and the account of his first hands experiences with Ma will be impressive. In his articles as well as in his conversations he does not need to quote often Ma's words inasmuch as he has become one with her teaching.

The second chapter is a general introduction to Ma Anandamayi which was written later, in the 80ies. Chapter four, Faith and Doubt, expresses the hesitations of the beginner. Chapters twelve and thirteen are especially meant for Westerners wanting to better understand practical Hinduism. Chapter fourteen was not written for Ananda Varta, but represent excerpts from Vijayananda's notebook and an attempt to circumscribe important laws of spiritual psychology. He finally gave up this project thinking that the ones who know them did not need to read them, and the ones who do not suspect them will not benefit of reading about them. This is a point of view…

It is a difficult task to try and give a reader who often is only curious, if not indifferent, an idea of that which for you is the most precious thing, the jewel of jewels.

There are two dangers to be avoided : The first is to let your heart run away with you, to write an account so enthusiastic, so extravagant that the reader gets the impression of having before him product of an unbalanced mind or at least of rank sentimentalist, and consequently hurries through the article with an amused smile full of ironic pity.

The other danger would be to endeavour to remain completely cold and detached, to write like an impartial observer. This would be even worse, because on cannot speak of Her, who is the very embodiment of Love Divine, as if one were dealing with a scientific problem. I shall, therefore, try to restrain my heart, without however reducing it to complete silence.

It is bad taste to talk about oneself, but all I can do, is to relate the story of how I got in touch with "MA". For it is impossible to describe Her objectively: She is different for every one of us. "I am whatever you think I am", She has often said.

It was on the 2^nd of February , 1951, at about six o' clock in the evening that I saw Her for the first time in Her Ashram at Banaras.

Having "provisionally" placed a substitute in charge of my medical practice, I had left France in quest of spiritual guidance in this country, which since time immemorial has illumined the world.

Landing in Buddhist Ceylon, then proceeding along the East coast of India I had arrived in Banaras the previous day. Tired and disappointed, almost convinced that my journey had been in vain, and determined to return to France, I had already reserved a berth on the "Marseillaise", which was to sail from Colombo on February 21^st.

I am frequently asked what was my first impression of Ma, what made me decide to leave everything-family, friends, country, profession, wealth-to follow Her. Why I have clung to Her like a shadow for the last 11 months, suffering torments whenever I am unable to see Her for a few hours. Why, through I cannot understand what She says, I spend hours at Her feet, without taking my eyes of Her.

It is very difficult to reply to these questions. Not because language lacks words, but because a word has not the same meaning for different persons, unless they all have experienced the sensation corresponding to that word. Thus one may well try with the aid of comparisons to make a child in France realize what exactly is the flavour of a mango. Even if one spent hours over it, he would only get a very vague idea and that also most likely false.

All the same, having made room for all these unavoidable limitations I shall now make an attempt.

What then was first impression ? It was in the evening of the 2^nd of February, I found myself in the presence of a woman of 55, looking younger than her age, still beautiful. But at that moment I did not notice Her beauty, it was only later that I became aware of it. I still see Her, focussing Her eyes on me with that strange gaze that seemed to embrace my whole destiny.

That same evening, at about ten o' clock, She had granted me an interview which lasted for about 20 minutes. She was supposed to answer my questions, but I had nothing to ask. I simply desired to make a spiritual contact. She seemed to divine thought. It was She who put the questions, clear, precise, going straight to the heart of things, raising exactly the points which interested me. But Her words were only a play on the surface. In those 20 minutes She had infused something into me, which was to last for a long time, which still continues. I returned to 'Clark's Hotel' after having secured Her permission to come back the next day to live in the Ashram.

I was in a strange state-my heart swelled with jubilation, with joyful exaltation-the state of one, who has just found what he has always yearned for in its most secret recess. Her image did not leave me anymore, even at night, and the very thought of Her drove tears into my eyes.

What exactly had happened to me ? My critical sense, which had been submerged by the first wave, awoke on the 3^rd or 4^th day. "Take care", it told me, "you have fallen into the hands of a great magician. She has cast a spell over you to make you her obedient slave." And I began to be on the defensive, to struggle against Her influence-rather feebly, I confess, for how can one fight Love; there is no power in the world mightier than Love.

But what kind of love was this ? It is not directed towards the woman. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the love one may feel for a woman. As by strange alchemy my entire potentiality for affection, all that one can love and admire in the world was transferred to her. But at the same time this love became so pure, so sublimated that it merged into, and greatly intensified the call for the Absolute that I had always felt. All worldly attachment lost its attraction and the spiritual ascent became easier, since she had donned me the wings of Love. For these eleven months that I have spent near Her have given me the conviction that She is the Lord Himself, incarnate in the body of a woman.

I thought that this Love (I am obliged to use this word for want of a better one, though it does not express exactly what it stands for) would disappear or at least dwindle with time. The very contrary has happened : It has only grown in intensity. For it is like with those ancient cities buried underground; as one delves deeper, ever more new marvels are brought to light.

Something that has struck me from the very first day is the atmosphere of the miraculous in which one moves when one is with Her. Let me explain : In Europe (and no doubt here also) by the word "miracle" one conceives of a breaking away from the laws of nature, something that strikes one as impossible, as absurd. But this is only its crude, objective side. Its subtle, subjective aspect is quite different. What does it matter to me if a certain yogi has walked across the waters or flown through the air ? The real miracle is, when that which one needs, which one desires keenly or feebly, comes at the very moment it is needed. And still better when it comes, not only as one desired it, but as one would have loved to see it in the innermost depth of one's heart. It has been for me as if I were guided on a path beset with obstacles by the hand of the most loving Mother -an all-powerful Mother. As you advance She removes all which must be removed, She even lifts you across in Her arms. And all circumstances adjust and adapt themselves with a marvelous precision, without hurt. "Coincidence", I thought at first. But a coincidence that goes on repeating itself daily cannot be called so anymore. And all this happens without apparently violating the laws of nature - for the Lord has no need to break any laws: He is the Law. Should I give examples ? No, for those who do not know Her will not believe me and those who have lived near Her have already understood.

She is like the Ganges -Her very touch purifies. In Her presence one feels oneself getting better all the time. Not by the suppression of one's faults : The very fault is sublimated and becomes an aid in the search for the Divine. She does not seem to notice or does not to notice the dark sides of the individual. She only sees our luminous aspects, enhanced considerably by Her Divine mercy.

All the Jivan-Muktas, all the emanations of the Divine, give in broad outline the same message; and Ma Anandamayi does not make an exception to this rule. Yet there is an aspect of Her which no other Sad-Guru has ever before presented (not to my knowledge at least) except perhaps Sri Krishna : I am referring to Her power to attract human hearts. It seems to me (this is an entirely personal opinion) that the first contact She makes with those who come to Her, is essentially a contact of Love. Instantaneously She recognises the dominate note in the individual's emotional nature and it is this aspect in which She appears to him or her.

For some - for the great majority- She is a Mother, full of love and tenderness, to other a friend and elder sister or even their child. For others yet, who are spiritually more advanced, She is the Guru of an aspect of God : Durga, Krishna, etc. And is not only in the imagination of the bhakta that She represents these various aspects ; Her physical appearance, Her behavior, Her voice are actually transformed and adapted to the part She wishes to play. To illustrate this I could like to mention a striking little incident that I witnessed. It was during the last Janmashtami festival (Sri Krishna's birthday) at Banaras. She had been dressed up as Lord Krishna and we were all allowed to go and see Her. I went with a certain reluctance and with a slight irritation, for I do not like disguises. But when I beheld Her, I understood that there was no question of a disguise. Her face, though one could still recognize it, was completely transformed. It shone with a Divine beauty, with a truly super-natural calm and sweetness. She had really become one with Sri Krishna Himself. This is only an example among a thousand.

I have often seen Her features assuming entirely different aspects within a single hour. According to the person who questions Her, She appears at times like an old Mother with a sweet face, her features drawn and tired; a few minutes later the radiant face of a young girl of twenty emerges. At another masculine, countenance of the Guru, a little later again Her laughter, Her caressing voice, Her tender look conjure up those of a child.

This contact of love or affection becomes in some way the lure that will entice him, who has had the great good fortune of getting in touch with Her, away from attachment to worldly things. For it will be transmuted and turned to the Divine.

What else can I say about Her ? But have I not promised to limit my effusions ? Perhaps it would have been better, had acted like the friend who, when asked to write an article, replied : "All I can say is : Ma, Ma, Ma,. "

may these few lines be not altogether unworthy of Her.

They have been written not from any ulterior motive, but as humble testimony of the love, the veneration and the gratitude I feel for Her. And may they induce some readers to come and quench their thirst at that source of Life Eternal which is Ma Anandamayi.

Miracles still happen nowadays, and sometimes the most wild dreams become true ; and this is what happened to me when I met Sri Ma Anandamayee for the first time on the 2^nd of February 1951 at Her Varanasi Ashram.

I had come to India in search of real Guru. Not just a teacher, but one of those mysterious great beings, who can by the their mere presence awaken in us the inner power which makes real Sadhana possible.

I knew about nothing about Sri Ma Anandamayee. The first time her name was mentioned before me was at Aurobindo Asram in Pondicherry. One Canadian lady who was coming from Northern India advised me to visit the Asram of Sri Ma Anandamayee beautifully nested on the bank of the Ganges, and to have the darshan of Sri Ma It did not awakened in me any interest. Nevertheless, I noted down Her name among other things worthwhile to be seen at Banaras Anyhow, I had already lost any hope to find the sage I was looking for and my passage back to France was already booked on the 21^st of February from Colombo.

I reached Varanasi on the first of February and got my accommodation at the Clark Hotel, near the Cantonment Station. The next day in the afternoon a young man (I had an introduction letter from his uncle) accompanied me to Bhaidani area of the town. We crossed a narrow lane, entered through a small door and found us all of a sudden in vast majestic ashram overlooking the Ganges with a breathtaking view along the Ghats. It was the Asram of Sri Ma Anandamayee.

My first idea was to have look and go away. But Sri Ma was just coming out from the Kanyapeeth building. My companion introduced me to Her. They were talking in Bengali. The young man told me : " Ma says you are good". She was looking at me with this strange look which is so familiar to me now. She looks at you, but also far beyond, in your past, your future, your whole destiny.

Can I recollect my first impression ? Surprise, I believe. I expected to see an old lady with white hair but I found myself be fore a person looking fairly young with Her jet black hair falling on Her shoulders ; but surprisingly, I did not notice Her beauty at that time.

But the real happening was inside of me. How to explain this ? It was like somebody throwing a lighted match in gun-powder. You know that something extraordinary is going to happen, although it does not happen at the very moment. In that moment, I felt something strange which I could not define. But, indeed, a few hours later after I had gone to my hotel the explosion occurred a feeling of unearthy joy and happiness : "I have found the Guru I was looking for". There was no shadow of doubt about that in my mind. What gave me this conviction ?

People will call it "Love". But the English word is misleading for this wonderful relationship between Guru and disciple. The Guru is not only dearer than a Mother, a father or a friend. All the shades of love and veneration are contained in this relationship. Any wordly love-whatever pure and sublimated it may be-ever ends in disillusion and sorrow. But the love of the Guru purifies the mind and liberates him from wordly attachment. It is like a flawless mirror which reflects our own higher Self, and leads to the discovery of the eternal source of peace and happiness which is inside ourselves.

It is through this love that one can renounce all of a sudden the comforts of luxurious life and devote oneself entirely to the search of the supreme. It is through this love that one gets the strength to conquer kama, krodha and lobha (lust, anger and greediness ). This is Guru-kripa.

To sit at Ma's holy feet was not only a source of peace and bliss it was also most powerful sadhana. Her very presence purified the mind, loosening age-along fetters. Without telling a word she could open the way of the nadis, granting one in a few minutes what would have taken many years of hard strenuous Sadhana.

My relation with Ma was that with a Guru. But she was much than this. She was doubtlessly a Diving Being. Sri Ma had told us that she had not come on earth as result of some prarabdha karma and that she had no previous birth. Was she an Avatar ? or the embodiment of the Diving Mother ? or a perfect sage who had come down to help humanity ? Much has been written or speculated about it. What is certain is that the lady we called Sri Ma Anandmayee was vehicle for an immense power of infinite Love. Once, as I had complained to Her that She wad built a boundary around Her against foreigners, She told : There is no question of any boundary : I and you are one: this (showing Her body) is only an appearance. I am all-pervading". She had only an elementary schooling, and had read no scriptures, but Her wisdom bluffed the greatest of pandits. In a few words, she could resolve the most intricated philosophical problems and one was left wondering how simple it was.

There was no path of Sadhana which was unknown to Her and She would advise everyone on the path which was best suitable to him. What struck me specially was Her extraordinary skill in opening and closing (when needed) the nadis of sadhakas without any effort, just playfully.

I traveled with Ma at first 19 months without a break(except one day) for, after having found such miraculous being, how could I have lived Her: Travelling with Ma was not just travelling; it was an unique experience. One was moving in a world of miracles. By "miracle" I do not mean something which strikes imagination as a disruption of natural laws (although this too happened sometimes) but the fulfillment of a wish or a desire at the moment one has desired it, and just the way one would have liked it. We know that whatever might happen "Ma will arrange", that we were under the protection of a great being for which the word" "impossible" does not exist. Of course, this was not only while traveling, but wherever Ma was and for all those who had some connection with Her. And it happened in such simple, spontaneous way that at the moment, one was hardly aware of it.

For example, it is well known among Ma's devotees that whenever She distributed fruits or sweets, there was ever enough or all those presents whatsoever might have been the number or fruits and the number of persons. In this connection one instance comes to my mind when I was personally involved : it happened at Ma's Ashram at Vrindavan. One day, it might have been late in the evening, may be l0p.m., I went to Ma's room to tell Her that I would like to leave the next day for Almora and secure Her permission and Her blessings. In the ground floor of Ma's building there are two rooms; one first room fairly big which serves as a reception room, and another on the back for Ma's private residence. When I came, Ma was sitting in the front room, near the door of the second room. The room was filled to capacity by many people standing close to one another. It was not possible to enter the room or to cross the dense crowd. So I stand outside together with other people. Ma was distributing oranges and it was why the crowd had assembled, everyone being eager to get prasad from Ma's own hands.

There was a basket of big oranges (perhaps the Nagpur type) before Ma. But whatever big the basket might have been, it could not be enough for so many people: I decided not to take an orange for myself. Anyhow, I had not come for this but for having a talk with Ma before starting for Almora and Daulchina. To be certain that she would not notice me, I hide myself behind the people; and as I knew she could feel my bhava, I mad my mind completely blank.

After some time the distribution was over and, surprisingly, everyone got his orange. Then Ma asked "Sabko mila" ? (did everybody get ?). All over the assembly one could hear satisfied Yes, yes, yes." I kept quiet and hid myself much more behind the people. Then I heard Ma's voice telling : "Ek ko nahi mila" (One did not get). As soon as She had uttered these words, the dense crowd split itself in two as if by magic leaving open a way straight towards Ma, and I was sucked inside this way almost against my will until I came Her, I made pranam, and She gave me big orange with Her wonderful happy smile.

But the most striking miraculous power displayed almost daily by Ma was Her astonishing skill to attract people through Her love, and transform unbelievers into religious people and sinners into religious men. Her power of attraction was indeed legendary. She would at once find the dominant affective feature of the individual and appear to him in the aspect which was the dearest to him. To some, she was the Mother: to others a daughter or a close friend, some again would see Her as Ishta, Krishna, Durga, Shiva, etc… , or their Guru. But to the great majority of people, she was "our Ma", the all powerful loving Mother ever ready to help and protect Her children whatever or creed they may belong to.

I remember a Peruvian (from Peru, South-America) boy who had come for the first time to Ma. He did not know any English but could converse in French, and I was the only person in the Ashram to whom he could talk directly. On one occasion we were both sitting in satsang in the presence of Ma, fairly apart from each other. At one moment, he was so stunned by what he had seen that he got up in the midst of the satsang and came to the place where I was sitting. His face had an expression of utter amazement when he told me :" Oh! She looks just like my Mother :"

Sometimes, on special occasion like during Kali-puja and janmashtami, etc…, Her features, Her behavior, Her bhav would be so transformed as She had become the embodiment of the deity worshipped. I had myself the great fortune of witnessing such transformation. It was Janmasthami (the birthday of Krishna) at night and the Kanyapeeth girls (2) had dressed Sri Ma like Krishna. She was in a small room in the upper store of the Kanyapeeth building (religious school for girls in the compoud of Shri Shri Ma Anandamayee Ashram at Varanasi.) and we were allowed to go up and have Her darshan (usually, males are not allowed in this building). I went rather reluctantly feeling rather annoyed that Ma had been dressed in what, I thought, was a disguise. But when I entered the room, I stood in awe, before bending to make pranam. There was no question of disguise. Her features had a majestic luminous beauty almost masculine. Her attitude, Her way of sitting conjures those of royal sage receiving us with his benign smile. She was really identified with Krishna.

When the Lord has come on earth to play with us the wonderful play of love, which leads to liberation from worldly bondage, how can one forgo even for a short time his divine presence. But Ma did not encourage sole attachment for Her physical form. It was a stepping stone for discovering the all-pervading Ma and finally the Divine which is seated in our own heart, and which is our Real Eternal Being. Ma used to say : " From moha(attachment) to this body (Ma), all other moha will vanish" . And also : " To know Bhagavan is to know one's Real Self and to know one's Real Self is to know Bhagavan".

With Vijayananda (as She had called me) She did indeed try to wean him away. She had a hard time but finally succeeded. (This episode is told as the first of the two incidents described in Chapter IV)

Ma had told once : " Whoever has loved even once this Body (Herself) will never be able to erase it from his mind, whatever hard he may try". Almost six year have elapsed since She has withdrawn "this Body", who was so dear to us, from our sight. But Her love is ever present. Tears come in our eyes when we think of Her. These are not the bitter tears of sorrow, but tears of love, which keep alive the eternal link we have with Sri Ma Anandamayee.

Can one talk of the birth of someone, who in her lifetime itself, was a legend ? Human being (and everything that has a name and form), are born, live and die, and then are reborn, according to the inexorable law of 'Karma'. Our thoughts and actions fashion our future lives, and the physiological and social conditions in which we are born, are the result of our past live. This, to use a technical term, is the prarabdha karma. However, nothing of this holds true as far as Sri Ma Anandamayi is concerned, because, as she has exposed many times, she did not have any past life and if she took a human form, it was not to reap the fruit of any karma but in response to a collective aspiration of human beings.

Nonetheless, if we limit ourselves to the empirical aspect of things, we will say that she, who later became Ma Anandamayi ( a name given to her by Shri Jyotish C. Roy, better known as Bhaiji, one of the main disciples of Ma) was born on the 30^th of April 1896 in the village of Kheora in the district of Tripura (in East Bengal, now Bangladesh). Her father Sri Bipin Bihari Bhattacharya, a Brahmin of the renowned Khasyapa clan, was loved and respected for his sprit of detachment. Her Mother, Srimati Mokshda Sundari Devi had all the noble qualities which make the Hindu women the guardian of ancient traditional. Before and after the birth of the child the Mother often dreamt of gods and goddesses coming to visit her humble dwelling and illuminating it with their splendor. Curiously, the infant on coming into the world, neither cried nor made any sounds that newborns make. On this subject, Ma later remarked laughingly, " What reasons did I have for crying? I was looking at the mango-tree through the cracks in the wall" (that is, the spaces in the bamboo wall of the hut). Ma also recalled something which took place some days after her birth, which has been verified. This allow us to conclude that she was born with full consciousness of her self. The newborn infant was named Nirmala Sundari. While growing up She proved to be quite an extraordinary child, never telling lies and obeying her elders so scrupulously that they were quite disconcerted at times. Her kindness and tact earned her the friendship of everyone. Her chosen hobby was the chanting of religious hymns (kirtan) with her father. She was married at the age of thirteen to Sri Ramana Mohan Chakravarty, from the village of Atpara (in East Bengal), who later came to be known as Baba Bholanath. It was an unusual marriage because the husband realised very soon that his spouse was not an ordinary being, and his rapport with her was one of veneration mixed with fear. Later she gave him initiation and he became a sannyas i under the name of Tibhatananda.

II. Sadhana

I put the word "sadhana" in inverted commas because the term is not proper as far as Ma is concerned. She had affirmed many times -and so categorically that there was no room for doubt- that she has always been the same since childhood and that the changes in her demeanor were only superficial, not in any way affecting her real state. As for "sadhana", Ma after used the phrase "sadhana ka khel" (a game of sadhana), that is, an attitude similar to that of an actor consciously playing a part, or that of a doctor who takes the B.A. examination to amuse himself. For the game to be complete, as Ma herself said, it was necessary that her mind be covered momentarily by a veil of 'agyan' (ignorance), but which never affected the state of perfect realisation in which she always lived.

This "sadhana" began with a ' diksha' (ritual initiation) on the night on Jhulan Purnima (the full moon preceding Krishna's birthday). Ma described all the details of this initiation which resembled completely, to the minutest ones, to the ritual of ancient India. However, it was done at a very subtle level, visible only to those endowed with an astral vision and the Guru was none other that the invisible and omnipresent Diving Power. Then commenced a sadhana of such hallucinating and vertiginous proportions that even the most daring among yogis would not have been able to sustain it. Ma told us that all the methods of sadhana, ancient and modern, from their alpha to their omega i.e., to their culmination, were practiced by her, some over a period and others, like a film moving at a dizzy speed, in the space of a few seconds.

The reason for these astonishing spiritual acrobatics ? Ma gave it to us : No matter who was the ' sadhaka' (practitioner of a spiritual path) was who asked her for advice, no matter what was the experience he described to her, she could help him and direct him like a guide who indicates to the traveler the landmarks of a route that he knows perfectly. Over several years, all kinds of extraordinary manifestations appeared through the person of Sri Ma Anandamayi : Bhakta (state of estay), yogic powers and the states of samadhis. These appear mainly when she was listening to kirtans (religious music). It then seemed that a Divine Power was taking possession of her body and making it move with a supernatural grace. She danced, ran towards the place where the kirtan was being held, sometimes animated by an undulating movement, at other times with a speed almost impossible to follow with the eyes. Sometimes her body rolled on the ground like a leaf being blown about by the wind. Again at other times she stood balanced on tiptoe with an extraordinary grace or danced. She often used to become unconscious of the external world and to remain immersed in the happiness of samadhi for hours.

It was during this period that her yogic powers, which seemed to defy all natural laws, manifested themselves. One day, her body retracted to the point of becoming a minuscule mass of skin covered by clothes; at other times, her stature took on excessive proportions. One day she was surrounded by a luminous halo which dazzled all eyes, etc… Towards 1925 began the regimen which restricted her food without her health undergoing any change. For example, during a certain period she took only three mouthfuls of food on Monday and Thursday and for the remaining week she took just nine grains of rice. Then, during another period of several months she took just one gain of rice per day without her losing any weight.

All these astonishing, indeed disconcerting (to a Western mind), manifestations seemed to enter into the "sadhana khel" which Ma Anandamayi spoke of. I met Ma only at the beginning of 1951 that is at a time when these extraordinary manifestations were over. I have described them by hear say, according what I have read and to the declarations of Sri Ma herself. But the most extraordinary manifestation of the personality of Sri Ma was also the most touching : she was perfectly natural, and human... Supremely human. 

When I use the term 'Personality', it is more as a concession to common language than in the actual sense of the term ; because to have a personality, one must also have an ego, something which was totally absent in Sri Ma Anandamayi. Then again, it is a question of describing an apparent personality, that is, what it seems to be from the point of view of the spectator still immersed in duality. But this is not as simple as it seems at first because, when the impersonal takes on the aspect of a person, it varies according to the spectator who imposes on it his limitations, which he has drawn from conscious or subconscious aspirations. In other words, it is not question of describing here the apparent personality of Ma Anandamayi in an objective manner - which is impossible but of describing her as she appeared to be in the eyes of the person who writes these lines. Imagine thus, a lady of 80 years (but who looks much younger), with long black hair falling over her shoulders when not tied up in a chignon at the top of her head, and who is always dressed in an impeccably clean, white sari. To say that this woman is beautiful, would be an offence to her as she insisted so much on the evanescence of all things of this earth. It is true, however, that in the days of yore (as is evident from photographs and my own memories), her extraordinary beauty evoked the beauty of Beyond. Perhaps it is for this reason that her followers - who like many Hindus, think that physical beauty is one of the attributes of the Divine when he descends to the Earth saw the incarnation of the Divine Mother in her. There was something remarkable about the fine, aristocratic face with eyes that looked straight at you. No one I knew could sustain that look for long without lowering the head because it expressed a gentleness in which there was not the slightest trace of weakness or compromise, and it evoked the immutable consciousness which is the source and the goal of all our aspirations, and also the terror of our ego. It is not just that 'look' that I wish to speak of, nor is it just that expression of the lower lip which revealed an indomitable energy and which was in marked contrast to such a feminine face. I wish to speak of something else, too. Ever since my first contact with Ma, I was struck by her extraordinary ability to alter the features of her face. Sometimes, it seemed that through some kind of miming she identified herself with her interlocutor. At other times as if, in the wink of an eye, she guessed the fundamental affective chord in a disciple, she appeared to him in the aspect that was most dear to him. Sometimes, I have seen her take on the bearing of a young, radiantly beautiful girl of 20, then a quarter of an hour later, the wrinkled and tired visage of an old woman, or the virile expression of a young man or, yet again the face, the gestures and the silvery laugh of a child…

She spoke often without economizing on words. Her voice, with its musical timbre, went well with her personality in which everything spelt harmony. For those who "had the ears to listen", she only spoke a few words, each one of which was of profound importance and one had to know how to weigh them. For others, she sometimes spoke with an abundance of words. She had only elementary primary education, and yet she could discuss very difficult metaphysical subjects with the great pandits of Banaras. In a few simple words she could solve complicated philosophical problems, and often her answers carried the conviction of an evident fact because her wisdom did not come from books, but from a direct vision of the truth. What was most striking about the personality of Sri Ma Anandamayee was the radiance of love, a love pure and luminous that ennobled all whom it touched divinizing them, and giving a new meaning to individuals and things.

But better than that, she knew, through I ignore by what mysterious alchemy, how to let flow the fountain of divine love that is within each of us. For those who had been touched by her grace, the spiritual path became very easy to follow, for she gave them the wings of Divine love, without which even the Vichara marga (the path of knowledge) is nothing but a sterile intellectual exercise. Another remarkable feature of the personality of this great Being was her extremely refined psychological sense and her extraordinary ability to manage human beings . She knew how to pull the strings of the human puppets that we are, yet the strings responded to hand which knew divine compassion and which wanted to transform the puppets into free and conscious beings.

Sri Ma was born, brought up and continued to live, surrounded by the rites of an ancient Hindu Tradition. She recommended and advised their practice to those whose spiritual practices were supported by a religious life. But she herself soared majestically above all rituals like a mountain eagle soars above the plains. She did neither puja nor meditation, nor did the take part in any religious practice, unless it was an exceptional one in which she participated like a Mother pretending to be interested in the plays of her children. In fact, she could do all that because she took a firm support from the immutable rock of the Absolute.

The outsider is not satisfied until he can classify a great sage in some category - "That one is or had been a bhakta, this one is a jnani, that other is a Karma-Yogi, etc… but the sage who has attained the summit, rests on a terrain where all the parts fuse together… and if he takes the support of a particular way for guiding his followers, it will, by preference not compulsion, be the one which he has already traversed for attaining the goal. But Ma Anandmayi, as she often declared herself - and strange as it may seem to us- had never been in the state of a Jnana (ignorance) and the state of perfection had always been her natural state. To try an classify her in any category would thus be a futile exercise. Her teaching was directed towards an extreme variety of individuals. In her entourage were ' sadhakas' who practised the Vichara marag (the part of knowledge), bhaktas, shaktas, karma-yogis, people, who lived in the world and practised a spiritual discipline, spiritually advanced sadhus along with people learning the ABC of the spiritual path, Hindus, some Jains, Christians, Jews, Europeans and Americans. She was before everything else, the Mother, and she did not limit her teaching to some individuals, but wanted to save as great a number of people as possible. Her teaching was also adapted to the level of evolution of each individual: to the 'adhikari' (the' sadhakaa' who has reached maturity), she advised the path of advaita, to simple people the adoration of an image, the 'japa' etc. In her verbal teaching, however, she strictly adhered to the ideas of ancient Hindu tradition, the 'sanatana dharma', and always returned to the central concept of advaita, She often-said- 'To know Bhagawan (God) is to know oneself, and to know oneself is to know God.

Her originality lay, not in the teaching itself, but in the fresh, lively and spontaneous manner in which she put forth the ideas. Because that she said, even though it was in perfect accordance with the scriptures, was not taken from books, but was a direct expression of the Truth. She used simple language no high sounding words. She did not give a speech, but answered questions which individuals put to her. The conversation was always lively; on never felt the boredom that is so often associated with philosophical discussions. From time to time, an amusing story awakened the interest of those who were not capable of reaching the level of a philosophical discussion, and a touch of humor or a burst of laughter reminded us of what she was talking about - joyful knowledge -le gai savoir as they used to say in the French Middle-Age!

Esoteric teaching cannot either be enclosed in words, or codified in formulas, because it is alive and varies according to individuals and circumstance. Besides, the verbal teaching of a sage is far from being the essential element in his role as a guide and guru. But was Sri Ma really a guru ? She did not give official initiation, that is, the transmission of a 'mantra' accompanied by a ritual. Then again, if one goes according to traditional rituals, no one (except her husband) can pretend to be her disciple. When this kind of initiation was necessary or was demanded, she either entrusted it to her Mother (Didima), who had taken the vows of 'sannyas ', or sent the aspirant to another guru, (in the last years of her life, however, the initiation was given by the brahmacharis of the ashram in the presence of Ma). In fact, for playing the role of a guru, some traces of ego have to persist, and ego was totally absent in Sri Ma.

However, a large number of individuals received regular instructions from her, concerning their spiritual practices. Even if she didn't give official ' diksha' she transmitted spiritual power, and that is true initiation. The people whom she guided were directed towards the flowering of their own spiritual inclinations, not those imposed upon then by a guru. One can not say that Ma had any particular methods or techniques of her own. However, she did use one 'technique' (if I can use the term) which characterised her and specially marked her teaching. From the first contact with Ma Anandamayi, one could not but be struck by her extraordinary power to draw people, recognize the dominant affective note in someone who approached her, and, entering into the game, become the person who could fill the void in that person's heart. To some she appeared as a Mother, as a friend to others, and to others, yet again, as a child. "I am your grand daughter," she used to say to elderly people who came to see her. She thus forged a bond of Love with those who came to seek refuge at her feet. This bond is often very powerful, and all mundane attractions pale before it and wither away, one by one. Because this pure and luminous love gives a joy which no pleasure of the world can equal. She directed this love towards the Divine, because it came from the Divine.

"Intense activity, and at the center of this activity, an eternal calm". This is how one could define Sri Ma's attitude in daily life. The organisation which bears her name, and which she directed, comprises about 30 ashrams, as well as the constructions put up for Ma's use in private houses. She rarely stayed at one place for more than a month. She traveled ceaselessly, as did Buddha and Shankaracharya in ancient times, taking her kind words and radiant love to those who needed them. Everywhere she went, there were immense crowds, surging around to get her 'darshan'. To her they were not anonymous crowds, because she knew how to recognize the Divine in each individual. No one was unimportant for her, and each one who approached her received as much of this Divine manna as he was capable of absorbing. When she traveled -which was very often - she was accompanied by a large number of sadhus and brahmacharis. There was the hustle and bustle of the railway stations, there were the crowds of distracted and enervated people pressing forward before her compartment at almost every station, there was the tiredness of nights spent in the train, but through it all she always had that infinitely restful smile … and the great, eternal calm.

Her days were something so charged with activity, that one wondered how a human being (but was she really a human being ?), no matter how ingenious, could sustain it without flinching. One day she presided over the inauguration of a temple or of a great religious festival (Durgapuja or Shivaratri etc…), another time she was invited by a mahAtma and agreed to a tight, overtaxing schedule, yet another time it was 'Bhagwat aptah' or the annual '\Samyam saptah', if not the tiring ceremonies on the occasion of her birthday, and many, many other things. But never did one see her lose her sang-froid, not even for a second, nor getting distracted. She was always infinitely kind and gentle, and has that great eternal calm.

She often stayed for a fortnight or more in one of her ashrams, whether at Benares or Vrindavan, Dehradun or Calcutta. Some of them were imposing structures with several houses. Only sannyas is and brahmacharis lived there, because absolute chastity was a condition sine qua non for being admitted to these ashrams. But do you think Ma rested here when she visited ? Even when she did, which was rarely, it was only 'rest' in relative terms; because there was always the enormous correspondence to be taken care of, the problems of the ashrams, the darshan for the visitors etc. That a person can withstand, with no apparent fatigue, such intense activity, is astonishing. But what is even more astounding is the fact that not only did she concern herself with the minutest details of everything, but whatever she did bore the mark of perfection: whether it was the details of a puja, or the instructions for the construction of an ashram or temple, or just a delicious dish she had prepared herself. She never forget anyone, even in the crowd of thousands of people. She was very particulars about her appointments - a visitor who came to see her was received and bid farewell to, at an exact moment; a private interview was granted at a convenient time etc… She seemed to completely identify herself with each circumstances, and lived intensely in the present moment. Each individual who had a request received her complete attention, as he alone existed at that particular moment. If someone had any problems, she was entirely at his service solving those problems.

Thus she showed us that in daily life, one could engage oneself perfectly in activity, while always resting within the supreme. Ma has left her physical body, but her presence is always there within us. Those who have been touched by her grace will never be able to forget her.

CHAPTER III

Shradha, faith in the Guru faith in the efficacy of spiritual practices is a qualification which every aspirant on the spiritual path mush have. For the great majority of sadhakas this faith is centered in the Jnana murti, the physical aspect of the Guru.

But this confidence must not be mistake for what is called "blind faith," that is a belief based on the convictions of other people parents, teachers, friends, etc, - with the resolve not to abandon it even if it does not tally with actual facts or is against sound reasoning. Nor can faith be founded only on reasoning, on the process of the intellect; budhi, intelligence is the creator of our whole mental world and its creations are based on delusion and are liable to break down like a house built without a strong foundation. The faith which comes through direct perception in no doubt the real one, but of course far beyond the reach of the sadhakaa.

The faith we have in the Guru, in Mataji, has for most of us begun with some intuitive experience revealing to us the supernatural in Her. This experience is usually the starting point, the seed of the 'tree of faith'. In some cases this first experience is so overwhelming that it immediately gives a firm intuitive conviction against which the doubting processes of the mind are quite powerless. For others, this experience, although having given a strong impulse to the mind, has not silenced the doubting processes no the critical attitude. For a third category of aspirants, the first contact with Mataji has nothing spectacular but simply awakens the interest in further inquiry. For such persons it takes a very long time, sometimes years, until their faith matures; nevertheless it penetrates and permeates the mind slowly but steadily. In fact, whatever the approach, there are three elements that must combine so that the average sadhaka may be established in shradha. The first and most important one is the intuitive experience. No matter what be its nature and intensity, it is based on the recognition of our real nature, reflected through Mataji physical aspect. Generally it is 'kshanik' (momentary) " as a twinkling of an eye" and cannot be expressed on the discursive level of the mind. Sometimes it may even be forgotten. But as its source lies in the Eternal, it can never be wiped out and remains very powerful in the subconscious depths. The second element is supplied by our emotional nature which tries to translate the inexpressible and unique experience into terms of our experiences of the past. This is why the intuition of the real gives rise to the attachment we have for Mataji, as a Mother, a Guru etc. Thirdly, the discursive mind furnishes the cementing element in this building up of our faith for we can finally accept only what is reasonable, has been thoroughly thought out and is not contrary to what we have heard and learnt from elders and by personal experience.

Everything in the manifested universe moves under the sway of the pairs of opposites and the three gunas (the three qualities of nature). In other words the growth of faith is subject to fluctuation, depending on one of the three gunas predominant at a particular time. That is why doubt-the opposite of faith- will arise automatically and test whether our faith is build on unshakable foundations. If it is not it must break down; but if it is genuine it will stand storms and trials and emerge ever stronger. When our mind delights in sattva (harmony) doubt has no access, for everything is then clear and self-evident; doubt comes only while we are under the influence of some emotional (rajasik) impulse or our understanding is clouded by the stupor of tamas.

An old diary written in 1951-52 ( I had my first darshan of Mataji in February 1951) gave me the idea to write this article. That diary was written with the spontaneity with which one converses with one's own self, when one can be certain that nobody else will read one's effusions. I have now translated some quotations from it from French, trying to remain as true as possible to the original. I feel it may serve as an illustration among thousands of how our faith in Mataji awakens, has to pass through severe storms and cross fires of doubt and finally emerges victorious.

"This Diary has been interrupted for over a fortnight. I take it up again at Patna … What happened to me on February 2^nd is far more interesting than anything I may have written about before.

"I was coming from Calcutta in tending to pass through Banaras hurriedly, to stay a few days at Sarnath and then if I had time to visit Rishikesh or else leave straight via, Kanhangad for Colombo, from where I had to sail back to Enrope on February 21^st ... my guide took me to the Sri Anandamayi Ashram. It is a wonderful site right on the banks of the Ganga…. " Ten minutes later Sri Anandamayi Ma appeared at the door of Her room. She speaks in Bengali and Hindi. I could understand Her only with the help of an interpreter... She was standing at the entrance of Her room. I can still see Her focussing Her eyes on me with that gaze I have come to know so well now. That seemed to embrace my whole destiny… At about 9:30 p.m. the kirtan was over. Mataji said that she could give me private interview immediately.

"B.S acted as an interpreter. I was supposed to ask some questions, but as a matter of fact I had nothing to ask, I only wished to make a spiritual contact. It appeared as if Mataji had divined my thoughts. She herself asked the questions. They were clear cut and precise … and it seemed as it she had guessed what I wanted to know. The interview took about 20 minutes. I went back to chark's Hotel in strange state. I began to understand what this wonderful being had infused into me: it was divine love, a love which from now on would bind me by indestructible ties - the love one has for the guru…"But I was afraid that this feeling would not last … Mataji had to leave for Vindhyachal, then Patna. I asked Her permission to accompany Her."

(In this case the intentional experience was very powerful and the intellectual doubting process was therefore silenced. But doubt is bound to raise its head sooner or later.)

Banaras, July 25^th, 1951 "… Sometimes a terrible doubt gets the better of me: "This immense love, is it really so different from the love one feels for a woman? Of course there is not room for any unclear ideas. It is an absolutely pure love - and yet it is still personal and limited. Nevertheless, it is something as a perfume emanating from its bottle, it seems to pervade on all being and merges it to the quest for the Absolute … How far have I deviated from the firm resolutions of my earlier life, which had until now been the main principles of my behavior: absolute freedom in oneself, to be one's own refuge, one's own law…

"This freedom I have lost. I have become the disciple of the most wonderful of all Gurus, but a disciple all the same…

"Sometimes a longing for the mountains gets hold of me again and I feel like going to a solitary place in the Himalayas and concentrate my mind on the pure Absolute to the exclusion of every things else…

"But at other moments the certainty of being on the right pat is so conclusive that no question can arise. All the same there are all states of mind and I have decided to write them down so as to become clear about myself."

(Here is good example of faith and doubt alternating according to the fluctuations of the gunas. When sattva prevails there is evidence of being on the right path and questions seems an absurdity. When rajas gets the upper hand. The ego raises its hood and laments at its lost freedom. When tamas dominates one doubts the degree of purity of one's love for the Guru)

"… My love an veneration for Mataji are so great than I should like Her to be like a perfect diamond, that may be examined through a magnifying glass from every angle, without one's being able to detect the minutest flaw. But who am I that a dare to judge this giant of spirituality? Only a Jivan mukta is able to judge a Jivan mukta. And alas! I am very far from that ..

"…. One day when I was under a spell or doubt, Mataji said in reply to someone else's question (I myself had not expressed my doubt nor asked any question) that is was impossible for the shishya to judge his Guru, just as a student is not able to judge the learning of his professor. I feel sure that she is right."

Hazaribabh, Aug 1^st 1951.

When I came to India I was following the Buddhist theravadin path, which lays much stress on self-reliance and does not admit the necessity of a Guru.

These lines had been written at the end of the storm.

"I am beginning to think that the whole of this inner tempest has been willed and created by her, like the great magician that she certainly is. 'The ego has such subtle devices for winning back the command that has been snatched from it. Only the Guru can release one from the clutches of the ferocious tiger which the sense of I-ness is.

(Again the clouds of tamas have darkened the horizon).

"I have written to S.; my resolve to go away becomes more and more firm…In fact I am like a pilgrim in the mountains suddenly enveloped by heavy mist. I do not know anymore whether I am on the right and whether I may not be pushed down into a precipice. This path is indeed as perilous as a razor's edge."

"Doubt is terrible thing. It has raged in me for about three weeks, a very long time. If I can not regain confidence, it will be better for me to go away…….."

"The crisis is not completely over. In fact what exactly is the matter" some incidents frequently repeated make me doubt whether Mataji really is what I believed Her to be, namely my Guru, someone nearer than one's own heart.

"Alas! Where have fled the complete surrender, the absolute faith which possessed me only just one month ago ?"

"The crisis of doubt has entirely disappeared as if by magic, without any special event happening.

"For, in reality there in something, which when it occurs and it occurs quite frequently does not leave any room for doubt or argument. It has the unquestionable evidence of things experienced by direct perception. What I speak about here is difficult do describe, in fact, undefinable."

(The gunas have changed: sattva has chased away tama's and with it all its mists and obscurations.)

"Again doubt assails me …

"This rope in which I had full confidence with the help of which I was going to try to cross over the abyss, I shall test its strength; I shall pull and pull and see whether is breaks and if it is does break I shall have escaped form the great danger. If the tie that binds me to Mataji is the one which links Guru and shishya (disciple) then it is indestructible and will resist all attacks, storms and cyclones … " For one can not be separated from one's own self."

"When doubt appears it signifies a downfall, a descent to the plane of discursive thinking. If I ever keep my consciousness in the present, doubt will not be able to arise."

"I just read what I wrote on Oct. 22^nd - I could have written it today, for it exactly pictures the state of mind at this moment. "All this is very difficult to understand. I am moving as a blind man stumbling in the dark, ever in danger to fall down."

"Whenever it seems to me that the tension is so great that I shall have to leave Mataji, it somehow is put right again, as if my magic."

Mataji's love, is it not pure Divine grace and nothing but that? This grace is a rare thing to obtain, one can not gather it like a fruit from a tree, one has to become worthy of it. Once it has been received one has to learn how to hold it, to sustain it and watch over it like a precious jewel: for it can be easily lost and may be stolen by the demon of doubt in an unguarded moment. A mere glance back towards worldliness makes it fly, away like a frightened bird."

"When I read my diary I realize that it gives the impression that I am doubting Mataji most of the time and I am ever on the point of leaving Her. But actually doubt comes fairly rarely, as an exception, so to say, the rule being periods of intense faith and love. But during those spells of deep happiness I do not feel the need of writing; usually I write only when I am depressed, doubting or despondent."

"When I read these notes I ask myself: how was it possible that I should have been so greatly deluded by blindness and stupidity? Her influence cannot be explained in any other way : she is Divine Grace, the lord Himself……But when one sees the sun shine constantly one is apt to forget that it is he who gives us light and warmth; that it is he who makes the plants grow and grants us life; that every creature on earth depends on him. Sometimes one even gets annoyed with the sun for sending its burning rays and making us feel hot and perspire, or worse than that, through one's own carelessness one may even get a sun-stroke. But when the ice-cold nights of winter come, then one understands how stupid it has been to blame even for a short while the giver of life and well-being.

"What I owe to Mataji cannot possible be expressed in words. She gives everything out of pure generosity, without ever a motive. To give boundlessly without ever expecting anything in return -this is Her nature. If blindness and foolishness should ever again succeed in veiling my understanding, may I read these lines and remember. Then I shall wait calmly until the black clouds blow over and the sun shines again."

We have frequently heard Mother say that she does not go anywhere; yet we see her travel from place; being all-pervading and therefore everywhere at all times, her body and its movements have significance only for us. Mother has assured us that she will never leave us no matter where we may go or what we may do. I feel convinced that she is the all-pervading divine consciousness for whom there is no limitation of space and time; for whom the word 'impossible' has no meaning. However, for most of us, this knowledge is only on the level of the spoken word. many just repeat it from hearsay. But those who have for a longer period of time lived under Mother's guidance, have experienced in a variety of ways the benediction of her presence and are able to understand that her blessings and her divine love are the same, whether we are far or near her physically. But our mind is like a stupid child that has to be taught his lesson again and again, because he keeps on forgetting it, until it is hammered right into his brain. On occasions something happens that impresses deeply on our foolish minds the evident fact that Mother is ever with us, seated in our own hearts, guiding us constantly, removing obstacles, saving us from dangers. It is to this that I want to refer here.

In 1954 Mother's birthday celebrations took place in the Almora ashram. I was then staying at the Varanasi ashram and proceeded to Almora to attend the function. Already for three years I had enjoyed the good fortune of living under Mother's direct guidance. During the first half of this period I had constantly traveled with Mother, accompanying her wherever she would go. To leave her even for single day was a source of almost unbearable mental suffering to me. This is how Mother has first attracts us towards her physical presence, in order to wean our minds from all worldly attachment. Love for Mother - although it is still moha (illusion)-purifies mind and heart, awakens and greatly increases our yearning for the divine. What may be achieved after long years of struggle by the practices of pranayama, japa, or self-inquiry, is accomplished within a short period of time, effortlessly, as it were, by pure and intense love for Mother. In fact, intense pure and selfless love for Mother is in itself a most powerful sadhana. This love has then to be expanded progressively to the all-pervading presence. Thus Mother leads us stage by stage.

Some temperaments may actually feel Mother nearer while far away from her in space. This may sound a paradox, but can be explained as follows: when we are with Mother physically, her sweetness, kindness and childlike simplicity makes us at times forget her divinity. While far away, if the mind is capable of rising beyond the physical aspects, we have perhaps a greater chance of grasping that which abides in the heart.

When talking of Mother's divinity, it may not be out of place here to draw attention to some misunderstanding, not uncommon with Westerners. For people in the West, grown-up in the belief of one of the Semitic religions, to worship God in the form of a human being is considered a great sin, a blasphemy. In Occident, it is the dualistic doctrine that prevails, God being worshipped as the Lord or creator of the universe, while the individual soul in conceived as remaining ever separate from Him. In India on the other hand, the doctrine of advaita is accepted commonly by the educated. According to the advaitic teaching, the ONE, who is beyond all thought and description, is the 'Being par excellence', the substratum of everything; without him nothing can exist; in fact, he alone really exists, the phenomenal world being but a surface play, like the waves of the ocean. In a perfect being, this Divine consciousness, this eternal one is present in his full effulgence, without any covering veil. Therefore is quite natural to look upon such a being as the Divine incarnate.

But let me again take up the thread of my story. During the second half of the three years that I had spent travelling with Mother, I could bear to remain without her for short intervals; but never (as far as I remember) had I been without Mother's darshan for more than a month. When I came to Almora for the birthday celebrations, the yearning for Mother's physical presence had come again, even stronger than before. The infinite love of the Guru is quite different form what is usually called 'love'. Real love knows no weakness. It may even appear hard and merciless on occasions. The grown up child was clinging to the toys of the body, and Mother most probably knew that the time had come for him to shake off the habits of the infant.

Mother 's skill in seizing the psychological moment is well known. At such a moment I was made to promise to remain in the Almora Ashram for one whole year, without travelling anywhere. One whole year without seeing Mother! It seemed like eternity to me. Previously, even after fifteen days of separation, I would count the days and wail for Mother's return, like the well-known chatak bird for the rain.

Mother stayed for more than two months at Almora that summer. Whilst she was there, a number of improvements were made in the Ashram, which thereby became a place provided with modern comforts, such as electric light, tap water, etc- only too soon the inevitable day of Mother's departure came. I was standing by the road side, looking at Mother's car that was ready to start. It was beyond my imagination that Mother, knowing my state of mind, could leave me behind for such a long period of time. Before starting she called me, gave me her blessing and uttered a few kind and soothing words. The car began to speed down to Kathgodam. I followed it with my eyes until it vanished out of sight. All kinds of childish ideas flashed through my mind. I through that Mother was just testing me and soon would send back someone with a message for me to join Her. But the time passed and nobody came. My mind was overcast by sadness, as the sky by dark clouds. I felt helplessly despondent and depressed. Of course. I was not compelled to stay on. (I have never witnessed Mother exercising compulsion over anyone). I could have easily followed Mother to the plains she would probably have laughed the matter over, as had in fact already happened on a former occasion, and waited for a better opportunity to make me stay in solitude. But then I had given my word and moreover, my mind having matured in the meanwhile I understood that it was necessary for me to practice sadhana and lead a secluded life. I thus tried to divert my thoughts from their painful one pointedness, keeping, myself engaged in some work or other. During Mother's sojourn at Almora I had temporarily occupied a room near the tank of the Patal Devi temple, since the Ashram had been overcrowd. Now I had to shift to the Ashram. So I began to pact and arrange my belongings. But my sorrow would not leave me. I was slowly ascending the narrow path leading form Patal Devi the Ashram. The sky was spotlessly blue, the air fresh and light. In the plains, I mused, there must be broiling heat, heavy with dampness. Here at Almora was the clam stillness of the Himalayan mountains with their majestic beauty. In the plain I world have been in the midst of the buzzle and noise of the towns. Travelling with Mother means to endure all kinds hardship and inconveniences. Here I had every facility, almost as in my own home. But of what value were the beautiful scenarios, the bracing climate, physical comforts and all the rest, when the main thing was lacking namely the happiness I found in Mother's presence. It was a happiness that did not depend on any outer circumstance.

With eyes veiled to tears, I was gazing at the gorgeous range of mountain peaks in the direction of Kasar Devi. All of a sudden something extraordinary happened. My whole being was flooded with joy. Mother was there! Here, present before me! Yet, not in Her physical form ……… but how to describe what con not be into words? There was not form yet I could clearly see her long black hair floating along the mountain although it was to b behold with these eyes. There was not face, although I could distinctly perceive her divinely sweet smile filling my heard with inexpressible joy and peace. Glued to the spot I stood like a small child gazing in awe and wonder at her majestic features. She was outside and also inside of me, verily, she was my life force, my prana having taken shape, nay, she was the prana of my prana. No sound could be heard, but in the depths of my heart I understood the meaning of Her silence. It was telling me: "why do you lament, o fool? I have not gone far away from you; ever present in your heart, I am your Real Self;" This experience lasted for a few minutes only, but it sufficed of disperse the clouds of my misery, to chase away the heavy mists that had obscured my understanding.

Not only in times of distress is Mother present; she is ever watchful, even where the small details of our daily routine are concerned. The following is an instance of how we are sometimes made aware of this fact.

It happened at the Varanasi (Benaras) Ashram. That Ashram, apart from its sanctity, in one of the beauty sports of the city. Even tourists often come to see it. It is situated right on the banks of the Ganges, built on an elevated foundation, overlooking the river. The terrace and the roofs command an extensive and inspiring view over the Ganges here, perhaps more than elsewhere, the Ganges has a great natural beauty. In the rainy season it becomes hooded and gives the impression of a huge lake. To the left the crescent of the ghats up to the Dufferin bridge spreads out. In the dark of night the funeral pyres may be seen burning at the manikarnika ghat, standing out like sign posts, to remind us in the eternal city of the impermanence of all that is born; to the left, on the opposite river bank, is visible the small but picturesque town of Ramnagar, with the palace of the Raja of Benares. Opposite Ramnagar lies over green Lanka and the Hindu University. At the time of which I am telling, the Ashram was much more charming than it is now. Its beauty was enhanced b a semi-circular terrace, protruding over the river, with two small, finely builts temples on either side. The spacious hall below the terrace was used for religious gatherings such as kirtans, devotional singing, discoursed or discussions or religious and philosophical topics, and so forth. To the right and left to the hall were a few rooms to accommodate ashramites or guests. The whole Ashram front with the terrace, the hall, the exquisite little temples and the guest room had to be demolished a few years ago, since they were in danger of collapsing, due to damage caused by high floods.

At the time to which my story refers, some threatening cracks had already appeared. The hall could not anymore be used for public gatherings, and visitors were not allowed to go downstairs. Only a few inmates occupied some of the side rooms. I happened to be one of those fortunate ones. I say 'fortunate,' for I enjoyed the great privilege of living in solitude, right in the midst of that crowded Ashram. My room, facing the Ganges, was near "Anandamayi Ghat". In the stillness of night I frequently would sit in the hall near a window that opened out unto the river.

Next to the Ashram, on top of the ghat is a small shrine, dedicated to Sri Ganesh. Every year the community of fishermen who live in the vicinity, organizes a function that continues for five days. The celebrations begins on the fourth day of the bright moon of the month of margashirsha (November-December). On this occasion a raised platform is erected over the ghat, while the lower is supported by wooden pillars. A canvas roof and canvas walls are pitched over the platform and beautifully decorated. Every evening, when their day's work is over, the devotees assemble in the pandal, where kirtan, devotional singing and the recitation of scriptures continue until late at night.

During one of those nights; I was as usually sitting in the ball, looking down at the river. Mother was not at Varanasi at the time. I could distinctly hear all that was being said or sung at the function on the ghat. Frequently, sadhakas who start engaging in regular spiritual practice and live a secluded life, become very sensitive to the vibrations of their surroundings. This was also the case with me at that time. But the loudness of the function did not disturb me at all, so long as it was of a religious nature. On the contrary, I listened with great joy and appreciation to the Nama kirtan and the bhajans. but all other kinds of sounds or noise would sometimes considerably upset me.

That night I could observe that the mood of the people on the platform was gradually changing. Although I was unable to understand the words of their songs, yet the tunes and the laughter of the audience gave me the impression that the celebration had taken a worldly turn. It was perhaps quite harmless and moreover my impression might have been wrong; but that night I seemed particularly sensitive and felt quite disturb. In prayerful mood, I said mentally : "In holy Kashi, on the banks of the Ganges, next to Sri Anandamayi Ahram, how can one possibly indulge in vulgar songs ? They should at least sing the mahamantra !"

No sooner had this prayer taken shape in my mind than I heard a mighty sound - I could even say that I 'saw' the sound. It is a well-known fact that sound and form are intimately connected. There is a level or perception where the two mingle. The sound I heard was not uttered by any human voice, it had its own living personality. It came like a huge wave from the terrace of the Ashram, flowing down into the hall and finally enveloping the platform where the function was in progress. Although the wave had no definite shape, I somehow felt that it was connected with Mother's physical presence. The sound wave was uttering once only "Hari bol" (which means "repeat the name of the Lord"), but not in the tune in which Mother usually sings these words. Here the voice was mighty and stern, like a rebuke or severe command. No sooner had wave engulfed the platform, than the people present stopped singing instantaneously. A blank silence prevailed for a few minutes. Then, without any transition, they began to chant : "Hare Ram, hare Ram, Ram, Ram, hare, hare", which is the first verse of the mahamantra. They continued with this for some time, without singing the second verse (Hare Krishna etc). Later they sang "Sitaram, Sitaram" and as far I remember the remaining part of the night was spent in Nama kirtan.

My prayer was a childish one and hardly deserved such supernatural response. But very likely it was one of those psychological moments, a moment of conjunction, brought about by the interplay of various factors, in which the lesson so frequently forgotten, could be hammered into the mind of the above mentioned child.

The physical aspect through which the inscrutable Power that we call Sri Sri Anandamayee Ma manifests Itself, is only a tiny part of It, and probably not the most important. Mother has frequently repeated that She is all-pervading, that She never goes, nor comes anywhere, that She was never born and so on. Thus, it is evident that She is not the physical body, which seems to be only an instrument, representing the link between us and the Diving Power : Mother's physical frame, although looking apparently as one of us, is in essence completely different. It is an aprakrita, supernatural manifestation which has not come according to natural laws, and is not subject to them.

In her early life, Mother has on many occasions shown Her independence where natural laws are concerned. All Her devotees have read or heard about the shrinking of Her body which became like a small heap and its becoming unnaturally big at other times. For long periods Mother could stay without food or with a very tiny quantity of food or water without any change in Her physical aspect ; pain of any kind does not seem to affect Her in the least. On many instances the laws of gravity appeared to have lost their validity with regard to the body. As for example the body becoming as light as feather or revolving at an extraordinary speed like a dead leaf carried along by the wind. All these things I have not witnessed but only head or read about. But surely, the most amazing thing I find, is that She behaves in our natural way as an ordinary person. It is very difficult for those who are under the sway of natural laws, to reach a stage where one is able to reverse these laws and be their master to a certain extent. Much more difficult is it to ignore nature completely and identify oneself with the Eternal Witness, unruffled by earthly troubles. But extremely rare are those sages for whom there is no difference between the highest states of illumination and ordinary life; for them the Supreme is revealed even in what we call the trivialities of daily life. A fixed span of life has been allotted for the life of every human being including the ' jivan-mukta'. The duration of the body is subject to 'prarabdha'. Not so in Mother's case : She is free to leave the body at any moment or to keep it for the whole kalpa (era) if this be Her 'kheyal'. But Mother has no desire to act in one way or another. It is the yearning of Her devotees which keeps Her, through the fetters of Her own infinite love just as an affectionate Mother is bound by the cries of her baby, who although helpless is nevertheless all-powerful because of his Mother's love.

Some people may ask : What is the use of such a limiting adjust as a physical body, if Mother's power is all-pervading beyond space and time and as many people have experienced, helping as well when near by as when far off, no matter at what distance ? Besides would not a the attachment which so many people feel for Mother's physical presence be delusive, a kind of ' moha '? First of all, let me answer that people who are to ally free from every kind of attachment, who are ' nirmoha ', are in fact realised sages. For all other, attachment to such a Being as Mother is the highest possible attachment on earth, and will burn in due time all other kinds of moha. "By moha for this body (meaning Herself) all other kinds of moha will vanish" have I once heard Mother say.

Now a Divine Incarnation is of tremendous benefit to all embodied beings. This help manifests itself in many ways. I shall write only about a few of these of which, from my limited angle of vision I have been able to get a glimpse. I don't intend to speak here of Her main function self evident to everybody, that is to say Her enlightening words on spiritual topics, Her guidance and precious advises to sadhakas, neither of Her action as a guru, which does not depend on Her physical frame. But only of some other aspects not so apparent, although of great importance.

In the realm of the 'ahamkara', the ego, where almost all of us are living, there is no real love. What is nearest to love known to 'ahamkara' is 'moha', attachment. Real love would presuppose the ego's dissolution, its end. The root of all its actions is the instinct of preservation. All its thoughts revolve round the protection of its body and its welfare. In order to free oneself from the clutches of this ego, one has first to resist its tendencies and for this purpose cultivate the pure qualities, the daivi sampat.

We have all read in books about satya, ahimsa, etc., and listened to much talk and good advises about these. But to actually see these qualities in a living being expressed in the details of his daily life, is surely quite another thing. Through Mother's physical frame, all these qualities shine to their utmost perfection. If it were not so why would so many people be attracted by Her ?

How rare it is to come across somebody completely free from any kind of fear : abhayam is indeed only possible when one does not anymore perceive anything different from one's own self. Even the Gods are subject to fear. Through fear Agni burns, etc. says the Upanishad; For about seven years I have had the good fortune of living under Mother's guidance, I have never been able to detect in Her features the slightest trace of fear. What a joy it is to admire such a countenance!

Ahimsa, non - injury to any living being is more common. Mother shows us by Her own example how it can be practiced in daily life and brought to perfection. Not to kill any living being is a self-evident duty for a sadhakaa. But not to cause harm to anybody, be it through words, action or abstention from action, even by one's mere presence or in thought, is certainly much more difficult.

On innumerable occasions we have witnessed with what delicacy Mother behaves in order to avoid causing the least harm of offence through Her own person or through that of a devotee. Even dogs must not be harmed. I remember once in Solon having seen Mother changing the usual path of Her evening stroll in order that a dog lying on Her way may not be disturbed. One day an attendant who had chased away the animal was rebuked : " Why do you chase it away ?" said Mother, " it enjoys the cool earth." One several occasions Brahmacharis who had beaten, or even intended to beat a dog were requested by Mother to do 'pranam' to the animal, in order to ask forgiveness from the Lord dwelling in the dog.

Satyam, truthfulness I have heard Mother say, means, not to utter any lie be it in words, by signs or by abstention from words. She added that if one could practice such truthfulness for a period of twelve years, whatever one uttered would become true. Mother lays great stress on the importance of speaking the truth under all circumstances. Needless to say that She Herself gives us a living example of how Satyam can be brought to its utmost perfection. A part from Her Almighty Power, this alone would suffice to make all Her utterances come true.

As to akrodha, absence of anger, surely there is no need to say that Mother never gets angry. Not even the slightest sign of irritation or impatience can ever be detected in Her

Mother comes in contact with hundreds and thousands of people of all kinds of temperaments and social levels. It naturally happens from time to time that some people behave in a manner lacking in courtesy of that they utter words one wouldn't expect to hear in the presence of such a great Being. But the cruder these peoples conduct the more radiantly Mother smiles and the more She responds with kindness and love. She frequently gives to such offenders greater attention than to other people. It looks as if She behaves as a good doctor who takes better care of patients who are severely ill than of those suffering only from slight cough or cold. As everybody knows, Mother does not deliver discourses or lectures ; but She replies to questions that are asked on spiritual topics. Most people listen with rapt attention to the words of Divine Wisdom falling from Her lips. But sometimes people, giving way to their urge to speak, interrupt Mother's talk by remarks of their own or some silly question. Mother, not only odes not rebuke them, but She never shows the slightest sign of impatience. She generally cuts short Her own explanation and after hearing with interest and a loving smile the words of the foolish interrupter, tries to clear up his doubts with infinite patience and love, which surely are not to be found in any human teacher.

What else should I say about the divine qualities revealed through Mother's physical frame, this embodiment of Wisdom and Love. "pure like the sun" ? If I continue, there will be no end of writing.

(2)

The path of sadhana is indeed not an easy one ; "like the edge of razor", say the sages. The main difficulty lies in the fact that the right way is very hard to find and much more to keep to, while false views or half truths are often easy and attractive. Naturally it happens frequently that the mind of the sadhakaa goes astray. Of course he can always ask Mother's advice. But frequently he is not aware of the fact that he has gone in a wrong direction. Furthermore there are many things that cannot be explained in words. But there is some special quality of Mother's physical presence. The shadows of the night do not persist before the rising sun. By Her mere presence many people have found their mental problems solved. The despondent person regains confidence in himself; he who is afraid finds renewed courage to face the battle; another one whose mind has been tainted by worldliness becomes purified as after a bath in the Divine Ganges; someone else stagnant due to lack of energy feels the impulse of an unnatural increase of power; sometimes as obstacle on the path melts like ice before the sun. What was crooked becomes straight, confusion is cleared up, impurities are washed away. Such is the Power radiating from Her Physical Presence.

(3)

The results of our previous actions, our 'Karma Phal', sometimes get and block the road to further progress, or if the road is not completely obstructed, the progress becomes very slow as that of a horse carriage advancing with great difficulty due to excess of load. Sometimes we are able to overcome the Karmic obstacles by our own effort. But frequently the task is too great for us, and stagnation or even a downfall might become our fate if Mother's Divine Grace did not intervene.

Mother's physical frame has, a stated above, not come into existence due to 'Prarabdha Karma', nor is it subject to it. She is able, if She so wishes, to use Her body for the purpose of absorbing part of the Karma of others. The fatality of Karma does not lie in the totality of the favorable or unfavorable circumstances, to which we are subjected. In all circumstances there is a central kernel which consists in the change of the pranic vibration and manifests fundamentally as pleasure or pain. The outer conditions and our mental reactions, that is to say the whole Namarupa are illusory and depend mainly on our belief in their reality. He who knows this, and has fully mastered it, can reduce the Karmic effects to their minimum, that is to say, to some temporary physical or pranic disease. We of course are not able to do this. But Mother can and also far beyond this, where our imagination cannot reach. Mother being egoless, can identify Herself with anybody, and take away from him part of the Karma he would have to suffer according to the natural laws. As said above, the root of the Karmic effect lies in the Pranic vibration. As in the case of Mother there is no ahamkar to brood around it and make of it a huge affair (as usually happens with us), the Namarupa is reduced or translated according to the case, to a disorder in the subtle body, or if the Karma is heavy to a physical indisposition or illness. This, it seems to me, is one of the main reasons why Mother gets ill from time to time. I have no doubt that, when we behave or think in an unworthy manner the reaction is felt in Mother's health.

(4)

A sadhaka, if he wants to succeed must become 'Nishanga', free from all human attachment. The attachment we feel for our relatives and friends must be replaced by an equal sympathy for all living beings. At first consideration this may look fairly easy. But we soon become aware of how powerful the emotional part of our personality is, and that its roots reach very deep in our subconscious mind. In fact the emotional nature has not to be destroyed, but must be directed in a proper way. It then becomes a help to our spiritual ascent. To understand that this emotional urge is nothing but our yearning to get back to the natural state, our Real Nature, is surely the highest kind of bhakti. But only a very few are able to sustain this attitude of mind. Most sadhakas require an outer object for their devotion, that is to say a name of form as s symbol of the Eternal One.

The Ishta Deva and the Guru are of course excellent objects of devotion. A great number of Mother's devotees regard Her as an embodiment of their Ishta or as their Guru, and worship Her in that spirit.

Westerners and Westernised minds are very reluctant to tolerate the worship of a living sage or saint. The reason is, it seems to me, a misunderstanding around the word "devotion". In almost all Western religions, God is worshipped as a perfect Being, eternally different from the individual soul. The attitude of the devotee, is of course, that of love, but also of veneration mixed with more or less awe. But in India it is quite different . Almost all the orthodox schools hold that the individual soul is or of the same nature as God. Even the hardest dwaitist agrees that God, the "Antaryamin" abides in the heart of all beings, that He is nearer to us than our own ego. The consequence is a devotion without awe or fear, almost as intimate as for one's own father and Mother. Moreover, the educated Hindu understands that devotion to the Personal Aspect is only a temporary stage, a stepping stone which will ultimately enable him to realise the Oneness of All. If taken in this spirit, any symbol may lead to the Goal. However it seems to me, that a realised sage, the embodiment of Divine Consciousness, is the most appropriate object of worship, if such an object is required.

I must say that Mother does not at all encourage the worship of Her physical frame. One several occasions I witnessed how She diverted a Puja of this kind trying to awaken the understanding that the object to be worshipped is the ONE residing in the hearts of all. Mother lives in the "Yatra Naanyat Pashyati' ! where one does not behold anything but the One Self where there is neither a worshiper nor any object of worship. But from our point of view, whatever we think She is, She will actually be for us (as She Herself has pointed out on many occasions). As pure gold can be shaped in any form, but ever remains the same gold, so the Divine Consciousness, manifesting Itself through Mother's body, can be thought of in any form, without ever losing its Primeval Aspect. In Whatever way our relationship with Mother may begin, it will lead us sooner or later to the Realization of THAT whish IS.

A few months ago, in Dehradun some of us feared that Mother might leave Her physical frame. She is free to do, so or to keep it for any length of time. may she in Her boundless compassion, keep the flame of life in this gross manifestation of Her for a long time. may all Her children offer to this flame only the pure oblations it demands, stainless and unselfish devotion, pure action and thinking, as well as intense yearning for the Divine.

The way of imparting spiritual knowledge (paravidya) is fundamentally different from that of teaching secular knowledge (apara vidya). The latter foes not go beyond the realm of words and forms and remains within the boundaries of discursive thinking . Talking reading, hearing, reflecting, committing it to memory and assimilating it intellectually, are the means to master it. But where spiritual knowledge is concerned things are quite different.

"Yato vacho nivartante aprapya manasa saha " form where all speech turns back and also the mind, having been unable to reach it. Says the Taittiria Upanishad. The purpose of spiritual instruction is to reverse the outgoing current of the mind and turn it inwards its source. On the path to self knowledge the aspirant has to advance stage by stage, penetrating deeper and deeper, starting from the most superficial level until he reaches the firm ground of the Great Silence. The deeper levels are the bases and contain potentially the more superficial ones just as for example several leaves grow on a twig a tree, several twigs on a branch, and so forth. Consequently the deeper one penetrates the more concentrated and efficient will the mind become. Instructions received by mere verbal explanation will carry much less conviction than level. At the deeper levels things bear the evidence of direct perception and appear much than the arguments of discursive thinking.

This is why almost all religions make extensive use of various kinds of symbols idols with human or animal features, (murtis), geometrical designs (yantras), sounds (bija mantra) etc. in order to appeal to ever deeper layers of the mind. The grater the depths which the disciple reaches the simpler will be the symbols he needs.

Probably all great teachers have made use of that way of conveying truth without the help of discursive thinking aspect. Mataji in Her daily contact with her devotees quite frequently seems to impart some of the precious teachings in a similar way. But alas often we fail to take full advantage of this divine dew: at times because of our lack of awareness, but also because it appear so simple to us that we do not make an effort to grasp its real meaning. Mataji's infinite kind new sometimes makes us forget who she really is: that Her sayings are teaching of the Holy Scriptures; the words uttered by Her lips like mantras; Her gestures mudras and Her facial expressions the images of the Divine with form. Like most of us I have been able to catch only a few isolated drips of this divine dew. It is from my own limited angle of vision that I take the liberty to write about this very profound teaching of Mataji. The few examples that follow will give only a faint idea of it.

1. Asking for news

Let me being with something that appears most insignificant. … Mataji frequently asks people: "How are you ?" Are you well ?" etc. When returning to Varanasi after a journey she usually would ask me and others this question. In the beginning, although I was glad to receive Mataji's attention, I did not attach much importance to this. Later, however, I came to observe that she put this question in many different ways and on definite occasions. Once I was in a stage of despondency, feeling that I was not progressing at all with my sadhana, may be that I was even moving in a wrong direction, while as a matter of fact. As I understood later, exactly the reverse was true. During that period Mataji asked me on two occasions: "Tum bahut achhe ho?" meaning "You are very well?" She used a slightly questioning intonation and spoke with a loud voice as it she wanted to impress something on my mind.

At some other time I was thinking that I was progressing fast and quite unconsciously was getting a little puffed up with pride. But this attitude on the spiritual path is indeed the surest way to downfall. When Ma come to Varanasi, She asked me: "Tum achhe ho, na ?" meaning: "You are all right, aren't you ?" but word by word: "You are all right, no"? This question drew my attention to the weak point and I corrected my attitude of mind.

2. Defect in voice

The following example although not concerned with any teaching is an interesting illustration of how an apparent defect in Mataji's voice can have a very good reason.

Once after the rainy season I got a pain in my tonsils which lasted for one and a half months without my being able to get rid of it. Mataji had just arrived form Hardwar, I believe. She set down on the veranda in front of the Annapurna Temple; we were about twenty people sitting around her. She looked in my direction and said: "Tum kaise ho ?" I was not sure whether Her question had been addressed to me and kept quiet, wondering. Mataji repeated the question looking straight at me. This time her voice seemed hoarse, as if she had a sore throat, although actually Mataji's health was quite all right that day. At that moment I had forgotten all about my aching tonsils and answered: "I am all right." The next day my throat was completely cured.

Once I went to see Mataji at Vindhyachal and it was decided that I should remain there for some time after her departure. Mataji said you may stay in the cave at the "bhajanalay" (a place to do sadhana) you are Bhajannanda (a short form for 'felicity of sadhana)." When pronouncing that last word Her voice choked as if she had wanted to utter my real name, which is 'Vijayananda,' but a wrong word had come out by mistake. My first reaction was a slight displeasure to hear Mataji call me by a wrong name; but immediately after and much more so later I grasped the cheep meaning of Her apparent mistake and the blessing it contained.

Our facial expression are of great importance in our relationship with one another. Everybody can to a varying degree interpret the meaning expressed through the mimicry of the face, although with most people it is half unconscious and obscured by a great deal of discursive thinking. Our facial muscles are almost constantly moving and expressing various ideas. But this movement revolves round a central image which will be prominent for some hours or sometimes even days, and which represents the temporary personality with whom we are identified at the moment. This central image has its origin in the movement of the vital force. Most of the time, however, we are fully identified with this central image and therefore completely unaware of it. If we could watch it as a spectator a great deal would be achieved as regards the control of our mind. Mataji has many way of helping us to this awareness. Sometimes She acts as a mirror, reflecting for a short while through Her countenance our state of mind, or its opposite or its complement. If we could keenly observe the changes in Mataji's countenance with an attitude of love and reverence, we should greatly benefit spiritually. All the modification in the facial expressions happen with full consciousness and have a definite meaning. The pure sattva that shines through Mataji's body is in itself a potent upadesha (spiritual teaching).

Sometimes Mataji brings about circumstances that strike our mind just at the psychological moment and impress it much more than a long discourse could possibly do. One evening at Varanasi Mataji was walking on the terrace facing the Ganges. I was leaning against the small shrine of Shiva situated at the back of the terrace. That day I felt greatly depressed thinking that I was not progressing enough. I looked sadly at Mataji and told Her mentally "Ma! Vijayanada has not yet got 'Vijaya' (victory) !" While thinking these words I had quite mechanically picked one of the flowers of the Akand tree that grows in the courtyard of the Ashram near the Shiva shrine. It was only a bud and still completely closed. I took it in my left hand and touched its top slightly with one finger of the right hand. As soon as I touched it the bud opened slowly and spread its petals up to full blossoming . I had not exercised any pressure, but just touched it lightly. Neither was this due to any pranic force flowing through my body; I afterwards tried several times to reproduce this feat again, but never succeeded. It was no doubt Mataji's response to my complaint and in this original way it was impressed on my mind at that very instant. The answer was, clear enough, what Mataji usually replies to a complaint or query of that sort. "It may happen even now at this very moment !' namely self-realization.

Once in Dehradun Mataji was sitting in the kirtan hall of the Kishenpur Ashram after the silence that is observed daily from 8:45 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. Some devotees had brought a few mangoes, but there were not enough for a general distribution and so Mataji gave them only to the children present. Those mangoes were slightly yellowish. Among the lot there was one green-one, apparently unripe. Mataji threw it to me saying: "Kachha hai, bahut kachha" ("Unripe-very unripe!") Mataji's prasad given with Her own hands is a rare and precious thing, whatever it may be.

Many people are attracted towards the spiritual path or eager to come in contact with saints and sages by the lure of psychic powers. Frequently we have been asked by outsiders whether Mother performs miracles. This childish attitude towards the 'beyond' generally changes when people become more familiar with spiritual things. All miracles are within the realm of the illusory world (maya) and thus subject to relativity. For example to fly in the air, a normal thing for a bird, becomes a miracle when achieved by a human being. In any case, the Power that has brought into being this relative universe can also alter its details or the whole of it : and this Power resides in all living things and by its mere presence constantly performs the miracle of dynamic life.

But let us examine the problem from the ordinary (vyavaharic) point of view in order to reply to the question whether Mother performs miracles. It is a well known fact that at a certain stage of development Yogis are able to accomplish all sorts of feats the strike the imagination of the ordinary man. This is brought to its culmination in what is called the state of hiranyagarbha, when one has mastered the cosmic prana and is identified with it. But this is by no means the final goal; all sages insist that psychic powers are only obstacles on the way and that to make use of them would block the road to further progress.

Great bhaktas also are able to perform miracles. Their personal will having been completely surrendered to God, they are not bound by psychic powers. In their case a miracle may be wrought by the Divine Will sometimes even without their being aware of it. As regards the full blown Jnani, who is perfectly established in the Real, there is no reason for him to be interested in changes within the illusory world that is to say in substituting one kind of illusion for another.

Mother cannot be called a Yogini, although during the period of Her life when She played the role of a sadhika, She passed in an extraordinarily short span of time through all the stages and varieties of Yoga, right to their final perfection. Nor may we call Her a bhakta, although this too has been part of Her lila of sadhana, for in the state of Oneness there is no worshipper nor any object of worship. Moreover from the point of view of Her devotees She is Herself the object of worship.

She is no doubt a perfect Jnani and a liberated being, but not in the ordinary sense of these words. For to have attained to Jnana one must first have been in a Jnana, to be liberated one must first have been in bondage, except as a matter of play during a period of Her lila of sadhana. An M.A. who plays at appearing for matriculation does not thereby cease to be an M.A. As regards miracles it seems inappropriate to say that Mother has supernatural powers : for Her there is no difference between the natural and the supernatural and what we style as miracles comes to Her as naturally as to us eating or walking. many saints and sages of the past have performed miracles in a spectacular manner in order to convince people of their spiritual attainment or their divine mission. Nothing of this kind has ever been noticed in Mother's case.

When asked about some supernatural happening She looks unattached and almost unconcerned. The reason I believe to be that She considers psychic feats as what they really are, trifling things. Further more it is my own (no doubt limited) opinion that Mother does not perform the miracles Herself. Let me make this clear: Mother, who is now near to our hearts is the same Mother as that Being spoken of in the Scriptures : free from the taints of birth and rebirth, all knowing, all powerful pure Consciousness, etc. This Consciousness does not act by Itself, but through the medium of Its maya, Its Shakti ; it is not Mother who performs the miracles, but Her Shakti, at Her slightest wish or indication as king has just to say one word or make a sign to his minister and he knows that the work will be done to perfection, he may even ignore the details and the way in which it is being done.

But let us leave the field of speculation and see how in daily life Mother plays with the so called supernatural, for no other purpose than our spiritual benefit and from no other motive than Her infinite mercy.

Curing diseases is the first thing a layman expects a sage to be able to do. Amongst the crowds surrounding Mother one might discover a good number of people who have come in the hope of being relieved from a disease which doctors have failed to cure. But let people approach Her from any motive, in whatever way their relationship with Her may begin, it will sooner or later lead them to the right path.

When an unperfected Yogi uses his power to heal, he may possibly create disturbance in the patient. Diseases sometimes prove helpful to spiritual progress or else protect the aspirant from some other greater evil. Besides they happen by the law of Karma and if removed the reaction will be felt in another way. But Mother knows the source of everything and when someone is cured by Her grace as it frequently happens the results of the Karma (Karma phal) are cut out by their roots. Almost each one of Her devotees will be able to relate the least one case where Her grace has relieved him from some illness, be it a most severe disease (in the case of the leper cured in Ambala in 1951) or perhaps just an ordinary rheumatic pain. Sometimes when the disease is likely to be helpful She may shift it to a period when the individual will be able to bear it more easily and get the maximum benefit out of it.

Even the Angel of Death has to obey Her. Only quite recently I heard about a devotee who was to die while on tour in America. But by Mother's grace his death was postponed until he returned to his family in India, where he finally expired. I am told by a reliable person that Mother has confirmed this fact.

What first strikes people who come in contact with Mother is Her extraordinary power to captivate human hearts. Some sadhakas, especially those following the tantric path acquire in the first stages the power to charm people. This power is rooted in the vital being. Others in whom the sattva guna predominates, attract people by a natural charm emanating from their body. But Mother's attraction is of quite a different nature. It is the reflection of our own true Self, the Atma that shines through Mother's physical frame.

As soon as we come in contact with Mother, at the first glance She sees our minds from the most secret subconscious level up to our superficial social personality, as easily as we may read from an open book. Whenever we come into Mother's presence She immediately knows our state of mind, why we feel worried or pleased etc. It often occurs that someone having asked Mother a question mentally, will get the reply either uttered audibly by Her or in any other way, depending on the circumstances. To tell Her a lie or to try to conceal something from her is to act like the ostrich that hides its head in the sand. All this has been said from the ordinary point of view, for in reality Mother has no need to read our minds She is ourselves.

Ma had the qualituy of seeing and hearing from a distance. She has Herself said : " Just as at a flash of torch light your faces gleam forth in bold outlines, all your facial expressions appears in my mind when you meditate on me or talk about me or pray to me…" many of us have experienced that prayers addressed to Mother mentally and from any distance receive a response ; that She has an amazing knowledge of what we do most secretly. As regards our sadhana for instance She at times discloses in private or public things which we believed nobody could possibly know.

Our thoughts, our attitude of mind, our moods at certain periods which may last for several days are based on definite types that have their root in the flow of the pranic energy (life force) in our bodies. Mother can at will change that root and thereby our whole attitude of mind.

The world that we perceive with our senses is only a part of the manifested universe. The sages say that there are other planes, six higher that the physical plane and seven nether worlds. Mother has often told us how being invisible to ordinary eyes come to pay their respects to Her. In the life of the Lord Buddha it has also been recorded that devas came into His presence.

Sometimes, if necessary, Mataji may manifest Herself far away from Her physical body, in a subtle body. Some of Her devotees have actually felt Her presence in sukshma (subtle form).

9.

We read in the Bible how Christ performed the miracle of feeding a multitude with a small amount of food. On several occasions, when Mataji was distributing prasad a small quantity was found sufficient for a large number of people. It happens, while distributing fruit for example that the number of fruits tallies exactly with that of the persons presents. In some cases when there appeared to be shortage of one fruit, it was found out later that one person had received a double share and that this had a special significance.

Everything that Mother does is infallible (amogha) and bears the touch of perfection even to the slightest details. Suppose She cooks some food, it is always most delicious-not the best cook would be able to equal it; if She distributes fruits and sweets they are of the best type and according to the taste of the recipient; if She presents us with some cloth it will be just at the moment we need it and exactly the kind we were wanting; when She sings, it is always in perfect rhythm and tune. I have never seen Mother play a musical instrument except once, a few months ago, when She took a pair of cymbals (kartal) into Her hands and began to play with such skill and perfection, as no human being would be able to do. The atmosphere of the miraculous around Mother has impressed me ever since the very first day that I have met Her. It is a daily experience in our relationship with Mother.

Mother can call down rain or stop it at will. When She toured South Indian in 1952, madras Province had been suffering from acute scarcity of rain for a prolonged period. I was present when a delegation came and prayed to Mother to bring about rainfall. No sooner had Mother and Her party crossed over the area of South India on our way back, it began to rain in great abundance in madras Province. This was reported in the newspapers.

Almost everyone of Mother's devotees will be able to recount at least one or two miracles that Mother has wrought for him or in his presence. But the most wonderful miracle that She performs and the least apparent is that of the purification and transformation of our minds and hearts. Mother has repeatedly declared that in actual fact there is no need for us to "become" liberated: we are already free. The only thing that has to be done is to remove the obstacles that veil Reality, namely to purify the mind. many aspirants can bear witness as to how Mother helped them on this 'razor edge' path not only the way every Guru does, but in a miraculous way, obliterating in a few days obstructions that would normally have required long years of strenuous efforts to be overcome. Sometimes even, identified with the sadhakaa She may carry him across an obstacle, like a Mother lifting her child up in her arms. The miracle of inner transformation is the true miracle for this alone we should pray to Mother. .

(January 1986)

We frequently heard a saying that MA is all pervading. Her action was not limited to Her physical body, and She could hear our prayers at any distance. But these things are difficult to believe until one has actually experienced them. To strengthen our faith MA sometimes provided us with this experience. Every devotee of MA could tell at least one happening to this effect. The three following stories are an humble contribution in that direction.

This happened in Ma's Ashram at Varanasi, perhaps between 1953 and 1959. I do not remember the exact date. I was staying in a room on the second floor of the Ashram and doing hard tapasya. As it happens to many sadhakas on such occasions one day my mind got into a mood of despondency. Why ? Perhaps lack of progress in Sadhana. Or may be some shrinking away from the difficulties and the dangers involved. Ma was not Banaras at that time. But anyhow to whom could I look for help if not to Ma. Her photo was on a shelf in my room (it was my Puja photo) and I addressed my prayers through that image. While I was engaged in this pious mood somebody knocked at my door. I opened. The person handed me over a magazine from France. It was Buddhist Journal I was receiving every three months. I opened it absent-minded still engrossed in my inner mood. It was written in French, but a few lines in English from the editor's columns attracted my attention; it was a few verses from Tagore:

I was stunned ! This was just the right answer to my prayer. How mysterious are Ma's ways ! I cut out these few lines from the Buddhist Journal and put it under the frame of my Puja Photo. It is still there.

II "Ma Eshechen" (Ma has come)

My first DARSHAN of Sri Ma was on 2^nd February 1951. The next day, through Her infinite grace, She accepted me in Her Ashram at Varanasi. After that I was constantly with Her during 19 months (except one day when She had sent me with an advance party) travelling in Her compartment, frequently in Her car, and of course in Her room whenever it was possible ; that means many many hours. At that time the rule was that whenever the door was open we could enter in Ma's room and sit at Her feet .

What a joy it was to sit silently near the Embodiment of the Divine Mother, and of partaking in some measure of the Bliss of which She was the embodiment. But it was not just an idle enjoyment. Her very presence was a teaching. Without telling a word She was bringing about a radical transformation of one's being ; opening the nadis, loosening the fetters that were binding us since many lives, purifying the mind etc. etc… . Actually most of my sadhana in the early years was done while sitting at the Holy Feet of Sri Ma. My attachment for Ma's physical presence was so great that a simple delay or shortening of the darshan used to fill my mind with anguish. Of course this was too much and Ma in Her wisdom tried to wean me away. I was then asked to stay at Varanasi Ashram even during Her absence. But in that period She used to come (come back, for it was the head-quarters) to Varanasi very frequently, at least once a month. On one occasion Sri Ma went to Vindyachal from Banaras, and I did not accompany Her. She was supposed to stay sometimes at Vindyachal to enable Her to get some rest. No date had been fixed for Her return to Varanasi.

My room was on the 2^nd floor of the main building of the Ashram. Every evening toward sunset, I used to sit outside, mostly on the upper terrace of the Ashram from where one had a breathtaking view of the ghats up to Manikarnika and trying to do some meditation…….. and thinking. But of what could I think if not of Ma. On one occasion I started a mental conversation with Her. She had just left one or two days before and my yearning for Her was not so great -Nevertheless as a kind of play with myself - I was telling Her how I would be glad to see Her again; how much I was longing for Her darshan. I had no intention to call Her and it didn't just occur in my mind that She might hear me. Any why should She pay attention to my idle talk ?

While this mental conversation was going on, I heard all of a sudden a soft voice telling me very clearly in Bengali "akarshan bad na hoi" (if there is no impediment). The rest of the sentence was conveyed mentally. It meant "I will come tomorrow evening". I took it as a play of my imagination. Even if Ma did actually hear my mental talk (and I doubted She did) why should She take the trouble to reply, let alone to come ? And the whole matter went out of my mind. The next evening, I was sitting in my room preparing (or perhaps eating) my light evening meal. It must have been about 7:00 P.M.; it was already dark, it was a short winter day. Suddenly I heard a voice coming from the Court of the Ashram, down. It was the voice of Mukti Baba. He was shouting "Ma eshechen ! Ma eshechen " ! (Ma has come). Mukti Baba was man full of humour and did not mind to play occasionally some pranks. My first reaction was to take it as one of Mukti Baba's jokes. But then I had a second thought. "Ma may actually have come ! What is the harm in going down and checking if it is true or not ?" And I left my meal and went down.

Ma had actually come ! Before I could make pranam She had already vanished in the Kanyapeeth building . She seemed to be in a stern mood and did not even look at me. The next morning She returned to Vindyachal without telling me a single word. I was very sorry and ashamed to have been the cause of such inconvenience for our beloved Mother. But the lesson was brought home. Wherever we are, whatever we may think, was know to our beloved Guru. What a wonderful thing to be under the protection of such a Great Being.

In the year 1980 (if I remember well) the celebration of the Durga puja festival was scheduled to be held at Bombay, Vile Parle, in the presence of Sri Sri Ma Anandamayi. A few months before the celebration Sri Ma was at Kankahal. She had the Kheyal, that similar celebration should be held also at Kankhal Ashram in grand style although She Herself would not be there physically. A Pujari had to come specially from Calcutta with his own party. Before leaving Kankhal Sri Ma worked out all the details with Shri Ram Panjwani and others. I do not know the reason why Sri Ma had suddendly this kheyal, but I was convinced that as she had taken so much interest for the arrangement of this puja at Kankhal she would be present at that time in some subtle form. When the time of the Durga Festival was nearing a very beautiful Durga Murti was brought to our Ashram through the kindness of Shri Ram Panjwani. The Pujari came from Calcutta with a big party. There were only a few ashramites as most of them had gone to Bombay with Sri Ma.

The Puja started at Kankhal. There was an excellent atmosphere, that kind joyous festival feeling which is so familiar to those who have been present to functions with Shri Ma's physical presence. (Although it was no so intense as when Sri Ma is there in Her physical body.) Myself (as I rarely leave my room in the morning) used to come in the evening for the Arati and for the sandhi puja.

One evening (perhaps Ashtami or Navami) during the Arati I was looking at the Durga Murti it was one of the most beautiful I had ever seen, and seemed full of like. Was in Ma's presence or some divine presence of simple my imagination ? this was the kind of through in my mind at that time. " After all", I though "it is only an image of clay. Perhaps it is my imagination that gives it life". Then I decided to make some test. Looking at the Murti I started a conversation with HER:-

"Mother! If you are really alive, and not simply an image of clay, grant me a boon". And I asked for a boon, then: "if you really hear me, and if you grant me the boon, please give me a sign." Which sign to ask ? it flashed in my mind: "Let Her show me a red lotus." There was no reason why I asked for this special sign and I had no idea how the lotus could or should be shown to me. (Later I came to know that red lotuses are very rare at Kankhal, and that the Pujari had brought a few from Calcutta.)

As soon I had asked for this sign - perhaps in the very moment- the Pujari picked up from some where a red lotus (which I could not have seen as people were standing for the arati) and started waving it before Durgaji: then he put it high above his head and waved it quite a time and I could see it easily although I was behind many people standing. I thought:"This is really extrordinary; the Divine Mother has answered at once. But after all, I continued, it may be a coincidence", then I resumed my conversation with the Murti: "if I an not deluding myself, and you are really hearing me then you should actually give me a red lotus".

The Arati was over all we all went to sit down for hearing the kirtan. As soon as I sat down a young man called Deepak who was an assistant to the Pujari came near me and asked me with much kindness if he could give me some prasad. I explained him that I did not accept anything except from Sri Ma's own hands. That this was a rule I was following since many years. But I he was for me a newcomer and I was afraid he would misunderstand me and get offended, so I added (in Hindi) phool de sakte (flowers, you can give) He replied abhi donga (I will you immediately). He entered in the enclosure where the puja was held and brought a red lotus. I was surprised but very happy that the Divine Mother had removed my doubt so rapidly. She not only gave me the red lotus but also granted the boon I had asked for ... But this is another story.

I kept preciously the red lotus on my puja table as it had been given to me. I believe by the
Divine Mother Herself. Unfortunately it started loosing its petals own by one. And towards the summer I had to put it away. In the month of May Sri Ma's Birthday celebrations were held at Kankhal. The day after the Tithi Puja (the lunar date), Shri Ma called me and gave me with her own pure hands a large amount of fruits. She frequently used to give me fruits, but very rarely flowers or garlands. But this time after having given me the fruits she told a few words to a brahmacharini who went inside and brought back a flower which Shri Ma gave me with her own holy hands… it was red lotus!! I put it on my Puja table replacing the one who had lost it petals. It is still there, now after more than 4 years, almost the same. It had dried up but does not loose its petals.

I felt as if Shri Ma would have been telling to me "you see! What the Mother of clay has given you (the flower and the boon) it transient; but what I give you will last for ever".

Early morning at 3.a.m. on may 3^rd the first Puja of Mother was celebrated. The huge row gathered gradually during the following days and therefore only a few people, perhaps about 50, were present at that ceremony. Mother as usual on these occasions was laying absolutely still, apparently far from our manifested words. Some outsiders utter on such occasions 'Mother is sleeping', a notion we need not discuss, as it may be dismissed straight away.

Some learned people say Mataji it then in the state of 'nirvikalpa samadhi' no doubt she may be in that state. But it seems to me that she does not have to go in to any particular state, however exalted, as Her natural and continuous state is one which is beyond all states as she herself she clearly declared on many occasions, as far as I can understand. Besides in the state of nirvikalpa samadhi the phenomenal world ceases to exist and there is then no Mother and no children craving for her blessings. It is Mataji's mahakaruna (great compassion) that makes her remain with us rather than resting in the Supreme Bliss of nirvana.

Needles to say I do not venture to infer about Mataji's state on those occasions: that is far beyond our power of grasping. A man who was born blind might just as well discuss colours. But I wish draw the attention of he reader to a small detail I noticed on that blessed night. During the whole time while lying down, Mataji's hands were folded in a most graceful manner in a beautiful mudra. My description can give only a faint idea of the beauty of her gesture. Her hands were folded in a way so as to form a were open above. The mudra seemed to express giving with full hands. The reader who is familiar with psychology of Yoga to some extent at least will know the deep significance of gestures or mudras. In man's thought processes they occupy a deeper level than mere conversation in words. Moreover in Mataji's case the full awareness in which a mudra is done and the direct relation of this action to the Primal Source imparts to the gesture profound meaning and efficacy.

Therefore (this is of course but my personal and necessarily limited opinion) during the Holy Night it occurred to me that Mataji was embodying the power showering blessings and spiritual strength on us, indeed it is not enough to say that She was giving with full hands nay, She was identified with the power of giving.

One night a mahatma who had come especially from Vrindavan, after delivering a lecture, requested Mataji to sing a song. He asked especially for "Radhe, Radhe". Mataji began to sing : " Radhe, Radhe, Pritama Radhe". There was something almost masculine in the quality of Her voice that conveyed extreme sweetness and love. Her face changed as She sang. Her features were as noble and calm as they always are, but different. Her hair seemed to fall over Her shoulders not in the usual way, but reminded me of the pictures representing Lord Krishna. I got the impression of Lord Krishna Himself calling out to his beloved Radha.

Almost everyone who has come in contact with Mataji has been stuck by Her unique way of singing kirtan and other religious songs. I have heard many kinds of singers in many places. Almost all of them have one particular kind of voice with a register more or less large depending on the capacity of the singer. Some are able to use their voice in two different ways, head voice and normal. But with Mataji it is quite different. Her voice seems to change completely according to the subject of the song. It is as if it were not the same person that is singing the various songs. One wonders how for example the sweet and delicate, almost child like voice singing "Hridayaduara aji" can come from the same mouth as the sonorous tune vibrating with intense spiritual emotion with which She repeats " Hari bol, Hari bol". But then Mataji is not a person and one cannot really say that She is singing. I feel that it is the Shabda Brahman that manifests Itself in this way.

Western people do not know anything about neither do they believe in what is called in India. "Ashraya-Gune" of food. Whoever prepares or touches food communicates to it some of his qualities, be they good or bad, usually both good as well as bad. The three aspects of manifestation anna (matter), prana (energy) and manas (mind) are in fact one and the same substance just as ice water and vapor are not essentially different from one another. The mental and emotional wave of the person while cooking will pervade the food and in the digestion of the food a mental and emotional wave of the same quality will again tend to make its appearance.

Whatever food is to be given to be given to Mataji is prepared with the observance of the greatest possible purity by pure people ; and when Mataji has partaken of some food or even touched it, it becomes prasad. The pure and intense Sattva emanating from Mataji's body is imparted to the food by Her contact and will burn away any impurity that might be there. Mataji's prasad increases the sattwic vrittis. No harm can come from eating Mataji's prasad even if it happens to be a kind of food that does not otherwise agree with one physically. I should like to recount an experience to this effect I had at Ahmedabad.

One day a friend of mine came from Bombay for Mataji's darshan and we had our meal together. I asked for Mataji's prasad which was brought to us most generously in abundance by our host. The next day, my friend having left, I again cooked my own food as I usually do. At about 1 p.m. some fruit and sweets were brought to me, probably the prasad of some Puja. Since I was keeping silence that day I could not make any inquiries about it. The lady who had handed the prasad to me said, she would return at about 2 p.m. and I thought it was in order to take away the empty plate. I finished my meal as well as eating all the prasad I had been given and then felt that I had perhaps slightly overeaten. But at 2 o' clock the lady came back with a plate full of Mataji's prasad, which in itself would have been sufficient for a full meal. I was much moved by the delicate attention of our host, who having noticed that I was eager for Mataji's prasad, had sent plenty of it once again.

I must mention here that my digestion is very delicate and gets upset by the least overeating. I could not say anything as I was keeping silence, neither could I throw Mataji's prasad away or keep it for the next day in the broiling heat of may. Mataji's prasad is sacred and not one grain of it must be wasted. So I ate up bravely the contents of the plate including even a chilly which it contained. I was prepared (although I had full faith in the virtue of the prasad) to fast on liquid diet the next day and probably on rice and curds the two following days. But to my utter amazement I did not at all feel that I had overeaten after finishing the prasad. On the contrary I felt light and very harmonious and peaceful throughout the afternoon and, as I found out afterwards, having eaten such a large quantity of prasad on a full stomach in a hot climate had no adverse effect whatsoever on my health.

In such a huge gathering round Mataji one can hardly imagine what a lot of arrangements have to be made : providing accommodation and food, receiving the guests and cars, endless small and big things that have to be seen to when a crowd has gathered. The strange thing that many people have noticed is that there is apparently no organization, no manager to give orders and no staff to carry them out. Yet everyone is co-operating, not following orders but under the banner of love, as in a huge family. What is still more strange is that everything works out smoothly. Never once did I hear that anyone of the numerous visitors could not get food or had to leave for lack of lodging facilities. Suppose someone is coming from a cool place and feeling rather afraid of the long journey in the heat. But the day he is travelling it happens to rain and so the temperature is pleasant. The train one has to take is reputed for being always overcrowded. But by some special good luck one is able to secure sleeping accommodation for the whole night. Having reached one's destination, one does not know in which locality Mataji is putting up. Lo and behold a stranger comes along and gives one detailed information. At last one has got the right address, but it is very late at night. How and whom is one to ask for quarters? But one finds Swamiji standing at the gate and he at once assigns a room to the newcomer and provides for a good dinner. But oh, what a pity at this time of night Mataji's darshan is of course impossible because She must be resting and one shall have to wait till the next morning. But no : Mataji has just come out of Her room for stroll ! The next day one has to go to town to make purchases, but does not know the way. A devotee whom one has never met before, who is returning home, offers you a lift in his car. And so on and on. This cannot be written down or explained one has to experience it. How circumstances dovetail perfectly, just at the psychological moment can be understood only by him to whom this happens.

It is as if some Invisible Power were moving from within all those who are present at the gathering : a Power of love and harmony, not only concerned with the spiritual uplift of every one, but also with the smallest details of their welfare.

There are other articles in this issue of Ananda Varta giving details about the functions of Ahmedabad. Let us hope that Mataji will bless us with many, many more celebrations of this kind.

My intention is not to give an account of the celebrations this will probably be done by persons who are better qualified for the task myself ; I just want to write about a few points that struck me on that occasion.

Many people have noticed and some have even complained that there is apparently no organization to see to the welfare and discipline of the people who take part in the large gatherings around Mother, as we saw in the last article. How can this be possible ? If we look round and watch the actions of our daily life and the ways of Nature, we shall find that there are two different methods of working, that actions can be performed in two different ways : the way of the human mind and that of Nature. The former has its origin in the intellect, the ego fully conscious of its possibilities. Let us consider for example the building of a house. The plan of construction has been devised by the mind of the architect. Before starting on the building work, every detail has been thought out and calculated : the amount of the various materials needed, their cost, the number of workmen required, etc. etc. The architect's calculations are done with extreme care, for if the house collapsed it would be disastrous.

All this shows the functioning of a power namely that of the ego conscious of its capacity no doubt, but aware also of its limitations ; a power capable of perceiving only its small circumscribed sphere of activity, but not its relation with universe. The way of Nature is quite different. Let us take for example the growth of a mango tree. If we go into details we can notice that branches, twigs, leaves and so on are growing without symmetry. There may be huge branch on the one side and a very small one on the opposite side. Some branches yield an abundance of flowers and fruits, others almost none. Thousands of blossoms fall down that will never bear fruits. many unripe mangoes are shaken off by the wind ; and when finally the fruits have the chance of producing a new tree ? Very few indeed although, this is surely the ultimate aim of the fruit. In this way a power acts that is conscious of its infinite wealth, of its omnipotence. The apparently irregular growth of the tree puzzles the intellect used to geometrical forms and to symmetry. But the ultimate result is the majestic beauty of a gigantic tree. The huge waste is the token of a power that has a storehouse of infinite riches at its disposal. In actual fact there is no waste, but only circulation of matter within the oneness of the universe. The flowers and fruits that fall from the tree are not lost. They will enrich the soil and help other plants to grow, or nourish birds and insects. The power that causes the mango tree to grow does not only see this limited part of its functioning, but knows its relation with the Whole.

A higher aspect of that very same power arranges for welfare of the hundreds of people who collect around Mother. It is the power that pervades all beings and moves them from within. This power is aware of the needs of every single individual and knows the measure of his capacity to receive according to the results of his Karma. It is conscious of the relationship between all being and of the Oneness behind the appearance of diversity, whereas the power of the ego sees only the superficial diversity, the splitting up into individuals.

During the last night of Mother's birthday celebrations (or rather in the early morning) at the end of the Tithi Puja everyone is allowed to go near Mother to do obeisance and offer flowers or anything else of his choice. This can only be done one by one and as hundreds of people are present it is bound to take a good deal of time. The mind would naturally wish that there should be some efficient organization keeping people in queue and making them recede by a different way after doing their pranams. But in Mother's presence discipline and organization, from outside may be out of place and perhaps even harmful, or by it the free play of the Divine Power might be hampered through the rigidity of the human will In fact on most occasions, without any organization, people walk up to Mother one by one in perfect order and in complete silence, but on this occasion in Dehradun this was not the case.

I was present during that holy night at Kishenpur, and as everybody else, I also tried to approach Mother when the Puja was over. On that night Mother usually lies on a couch, absolutely still and to all appearance far removed from bodily consciousness. As soon as She returns to the normal state, offerings and salutations are stopped and Mother is led back to Her room.

I had brought a beautiful bouquet of flowers, intending to offer it to Mother. I tried first to follow one queue, but another one had formed from a different direction. After several unfruitful attempts I at last managed to come near Mother with only three or four people in front of me. But at that moment a few ladies rushed in and we were obliged to stand back. I then reflected that one should after all take things as they came on all occasions and thus remained aloof.

At that very moment Mother sat up. A human semicircle was formed around Her to protect : Her from the crowd offering and salutations had to stop. It looked as if the bouquet I had brought would not fulfill its purpose of existence. A few minutes later Mother rose. On those occasions it takes some time until She fully recovers body-consciousness and She is led to Her room, supported by several persons. Two human walls are formed on both sides of Her way to enable Her to walk, undisturbed by the intruding crowd. Strangely enough, the spot where I stand aloof was just on Mother's way and between the human walls. Mother advanced, facing exactly in my direction. I deposited the bunch of flowers at Her feet, made obeisance and stepped out of Her way. When afterwards I mused about this incident, I realized that in that holy night, notwithstanding the dense crowd and the apparent confusion, I had the chance to present my offerings to Mother in a unique and exceptional way, in fact in precisely the manner that I preferred. Probably many other persons had similar experiences.

During that holy night I had the good fortune of being able to observe closely Mother's countenance almost immediately after She got up from the state of absolute stillness. It is well known that during the Puja of the last night of the celebrations, She usually lies with Her face covered entirely or almost entirely by Her sari. She appears to have left body consciousness. I do not know whether anyone has until now been able to ascertain whether Her pulse and breathing stop on those occasions. The reverence we all feel for Mother, keeps us from attempting such investigations. But even if pulse and breathing are not completely suspended, they must at any rate most likely be almost imperceptible. The state in which Mother appears to be on those occasions is of course quite beyond the range of our understanding. many people believe that She enters Nirvikalpa Samadhi. In that state, the empirical world ceases to exist and consequently there are neither the Mother nor Her children yearning for Her blessings, but only pure, unbroken, blissful consciousness. Mother is and has ever been free to remain constantly in that supreme and exalted state. It is Her boundless love that makes Her play with us the play of duality. It seems improbable that in the holy night of Her birthday when so many people have gathered to implore Her blessings, She should retreat into the Great Void. I take it that, rather on the contrary, She very likely assumes a state in which Her benediction can pour down on us at maximum abundance and where She can absorb as much as possible of the bad Karma of Her children.

The first birthday celebration of Mother that I attended took place in 1951 at Ambala, only a few months after I first met Mother. (It was evoked it at other places) During the Tithi Puja I sat not very far from Her. She was lying down straight, as usual on those occasions, apparently far removed from this world. I thought She was in nirvikalpa samadhi and looked sadly at Her, thinking : "Mother has gone far away from us !" While this thought was revolving in my mind, Mother awoke, sat up and opened Her eyes. Her first glance fell straight on me. It was long and deep gaze full of significance, which I clearly understood to mean : " No! I have not gone far away from you; I am ever, ever present with you, very, very near you!" This year at Dehradun when I saw Mother rise after the Puja, it seemed to me that She bore the expression of one who had just carried away the heavy load of our miseries.

The night of the anniversary of Mataji's birth is for most of us a vigil. I myself took rest for only a few hours before the function began. In general when my sleep is cut short even slightly, I feel drowsy during the next day. But I have experienced this year as many times before that when we forego sleep for Mother's sake, not the least inconvenience will be felt. I returned from the celebration at about 6 a.m. feeling fresh and rested and immediately got busy with my daily routine.

4.

A conversation with a friend from Calcutta, an old and fervent devotee of Mother attracted my attention to one of the most extraordinary features that have been observed by many people in connection with Mother. The crowds round Her may consist of thousands or tens of thousands - yet She will never forget any single person. If one asks Her for private interview, She will grant it in due course and at the most propitious moment. If a request has been made to Her, the response will come without fail. If someone wishes to take leave of Her before going away, he will be received at the right time. She knows where and how everybody has been accommodate. If one encounters a difficulty, She is always there to solve the matter. When She takes to people about their personal problems, She gives the impression of knowing every detail. Not only this ; the living interest She takes in every individual gives him the conviction although it may seem absurd at first thought that Mother's attention and care are fully focussed on him and on him alone, just as if he were the dearest of all Her children. many people are convinced of this and although it sounds almost ridiculous it is nevertheless true. How can this be possible ? Mother has no ego consciousness, no limiting personality of Her own She is one with the pure, blissful, impersonal, Chaitanya (Consciousness). When Her attention is drawn towards one individual, the center of conscious focussed on him. She identifies with him, even more, with his own Self. And there is nothing dearer than it : "Indeed, it is not for the love of all that all are dear, but it is for the love of the Self that all are dear", says the Brihad Aranyaka Upanishad.

What is Sri Sri Anandamayi Ma's teaching ? This is a question one can often hear, for it is put by most newcomers. All who are close to Mataji must of course have been present at some of the meetings in public or in small groups when Mataji with profound wisdom replies to questions on religious and spiritual subjects, often displaying a keen sense of humor. many of these discussions have been recorded, noted down and published by men far better fitted for the task than myself. It is not this teaching that I want to talk about in the following few lines, but rather another aspect of Mataji's teaching, much simpler and more direct, which has nothing or very little to do with big philosophical problems. In fact this side of Her teaching might well appear to be commonplace and as such often pass unnoticed ; although in my opinion it appeals to a much deeper layer of our being and can therefore be extremely helpful in our spiritual search, if only we will listen to it and open ourselves to the Divine Blessing that pours down on us constantly in Mataji's presence.

To be in Mataji's company almost invariably brings us in touch with people of every psychological type in Western countries the saying that the face is the mirror of the soul is quite proverbial. Actually all our thoughts are reflected in our countenance, the slightest mental vibration produces a contraction of one or several facial muscles. I have watched a great many faces and never, not even for a fraction of a second, have I seen reflected in them the state " beyond desire and fear." Swiftly the thought waves follow one another just like the billows on an expanse of water agitated by the wind. But in Mataji's face the mouth expresses a state of completeness, of wholeness in which everything is included. Never can even the slightest, trace of fear or irritation be detected in Her eyes. They ever radiate the same love, the same sweetness, regardless of the most trying circumstances. This is real beauty. What a great joy it is to contemplate such a countenance ! To watch and lovingly remember it will unconsciously make us try to imitate its expressions and these will in due course lead us to the attitude of mind to which they correspond.

A reader who has never had Mataji's darshan might perhaps imagine that Her features are always set in a static expression of peace and serenity of emotions pass over Her face like ripples which a light breeze produces on the surface of a quiet lake, while the immutable calm of its depths remains ever undisturbed. Mataji plays with feelings, but never Herself becomes their plaything as most of us do. An intelligent observer will soon notice how She mirrors the emotional states of Her surroundings without ever really being affected by them like a crystal that assumes the colours of the objects entering its field of refraction.

Mataji's conversation about trivial everyday matters is never trivial. For those who know how to listen, it almost always contains some profound teaching. On several occasions. Both in public meeting and in small gatherings, I have remarked how Mataji suddenly utters a sentence that appears incomprehensible to us and sometimes perhaps even beside the point. I have repeatedly been able to discover afterwards that this sentence was meant for someone in the audience in reply to a query that had been tormenting him, or that it represented the solution of a problem that until then had seemed insoluble to him.

Last summer at Solan after the celebrations of Mataji's birthday. She was one day as usual taking her evening stroll just outside of the Ashram veranda. At that hour a dog used to come and beg for prasad from Mataji. The entrance of the Ashram veranda is guarded by two wooden tigers, realistically painted with their laws wide open, ready to bite. Jokingly Mataji placed the sweets that were meant for the dog into the tiger's mouth. Everyone was highly amused to see the poor dog standing in front of the tiger, torn between the desire to snatch the sweets and the fear of being bitten by the wooden beast. Mataji then made a remark of which I do not recall the exact words. Its meaning was that the fear which keeps a man fettered to the world was just as illusory as the dog's fear of the wooden tiger. Apart from the general teaching this statement conveyed, it was meant for a particular person present. Like an infallible arrow it hit the center of the target and did its work.

It happens frequently that people coming to Mataji with distressing questions, problems or difficulties find a clear and simple solution merely by sitting in Her Presence the solution presenting itself quite naturally, convincingly and with obviousness. For, what a great Sage, a real Guru brings about spontaneously is not only to clarify the mind and to transmit power, but above all to disperse the mists that hide our true Self, our Eternal Being, and to put us in communion with THAT. Once this contact has been established, it is THAT which advises and guides us with unfailing certainty.

Many of those who live near Mataji have probably like myself experienced that when we approach Her with questions concerning our sadhana, She most assuredly replies with wisdom and kindness, yet often only briefly, in a detached manner, as if it were a matter of secondary importance. When on the other hand we become the actors in some little incident of everyday life and display anger of quarrelsomeness, etc., She seems to take great interest : She summons those involved in it, inquires carefully into the details and sometimes spends hours over the solution of some apparently petty difficulty.

Spiritual practices such as meditation, japa and so forth are undoubtedly of great importance. Never the less, as I have heard Mataji point out on various occasions, their sole purpose is to assist us in removing the veil that conceals Reality from us. That veil is made up of desires, anger, fear etc. and it is in one's daily life that one has the chance to study these obstructions as they arise, to bring them into the field of one's consciousness so as to get rid of them.

One day, for some insignificant reason, I lost my temper in Mataji's presence. Impetuously I blurted out a few irreverent words, of which I repented immediately afterwards. She replied, as She always does with great gentleness, although it appeared to me tinged with a shade of irony. I felt ashamed ; the same evening I asked for a private interview in order to apologize. I was naturally anxious that the whole matter should be forgotten as quickly as possible and that nobody should mention it anymore. But Mataji on the contrary dwelt on it at length, minutely examining the details and questioning the persons involved, which made me the more deeply ashamed.

A competent surgeon does not feel satisfied by merely making an incision when treating an abscess, but cuts a wide opening so as to be able to drain the sore completely, straightening out the folds in the skin and carefully removing any hidden trace of pus. Similarly Mataji does not merely settle a particular difficulty, but penetrates to the root of the evil and deals with it, so that it may be destroyed with all its ramifications and never sprout up again.

Later I came to understand the psychology of what had happened that day. The rage that had been smoldering within me was bound to explode against someone or other. Mataji Herself had deflected it towards Her own person, so as to direct its karmic results. This is how, again and again, She arranges things for our good. many of Her devotees must have had similar experiences. I am told that She say : " if you must be angry, be angry with me, for you will not be able to keep it up for long." And also : " By moha (strong attachment) for this body (meaning Herself), all moha will be destroyed."

Wrath or affection felt for an ordinary persons must inevitably produce a reaction in that person and set in motion a whole series of karmic consequences. Whereas if the object of one's anger or attachment is a perfect Being, the waves of the emotion will find no resistance and therefore exhaust themselves and die away like fire that has nothing to consume anymore.

Anyone who wishes to remain with Mataji for a lengthy period of time, will have to spend a good part of his life at railway stations and in trains for Mataji rarely stays in one place for long. The agitation of a railway station, the mental fever that usually accompanies the preparations for a journey are difficult to bear. Most people are unconsciously carried away completely by the current of excitement surrounding them. A few will now and again have bright moments in which they may be able to observe their own and other people's reactions ; but those who in the midst of such mental whirlpools can stand aside and watch as disinterested spectators are surely exceptional. As to Mataji Herself, She is ever calm, unperturbed and cheerful, like a rock that no storm can affect. However when travelling with Mataji things automatically arrange themselves : the train that one was afraid to miss arrives an hour late the carriages are packed and it seems impossible to find a place, but somehow, as if by miracle, everything is managed ; one feels exhausted and longs to lie down and sleep, but lo and behold, just then a berth becomes vacant. All the same, it is human nature to wish to direct every thing by one's own strength, while would be so much simpler to let oneself be guided by the invisible Han of the Divine.

Yet sometimes Mataji calls us to order: once for example we were waiting for a train that would in all probability be overcrowded. We were to reach our destination only the next day, which meant passing the whole night in acute discomfort. I had purchases an interclass ticket and was, as it were, lying in wait for the train, ready to jump into the first compartment and occupy a berth if possible -an attitude of mind no doubt quite unworthy of a sadhaka and even more so of one who had been travelling with Mataji for some time. At the very moment the train came into the station Mataji passed in front of me and, pointing to a large heap of luggage, requested me with a peculiar smile to see it safely into the train. Patiently I stood and waited until the last of the numerous luggage had been stored away in the compartment, imagining in advance the sleepless night I would have to pass amidst the dense crowd. In the meanwhile everyone had boarded the train and I thought I might deem myself fortunate if I could secure sitting accommodation of some sort. But exactly where I was standing and guarding the luggage there happened to be an Interclass carriage. Someone whom I hardly knew had reserved an upper berth for me and helped me to get in with my bags.

These few lines will give the reader but a vague and limited idea of that which and limited idea of that which I call Mataji's direct teaching. It is in Her presence that one has day after day to experience for oneself Her Divine radiation. All one has to do is to see with one's eyes, to hear with one's ears and to understand with one's heart. It is related that after God had created the universe and assigned their rightful places to all creatures, Sin approached Him and asked : " Where is my place?" The Creator replied : Where God's name is not, there you may reside ; your dwelling place is with the man who does not pronounce the name of the ONE, who does not cherish the remembrance of Him."

What Mother is in reality is perplexing question that has been voiced frequently and to which to this day nobody has been able to find a satisfactory reply ; for the simple reason, it seems to me, that no adequate answer to this enigma exist. The full solution of the mystery can come only after complete spiritual Realization.

In this article, however, I intend to deal with a problem which is not quite so far beyond my limited possibilities. Among certain people false ideas are prevalent concerning Mother and Her teaching. These ideas are held by persons who have either met Mother only casually or else have merely heard or read about Her. Such wrong notions are to a certain extent excusable, for it is very difficult to find out along what line Mother actually teaches. A vedantist for example, when talking to Mother for the first time, will feel convinced that She is a pure advaita vedantin ; a shakta may very likely say that She is an incarnation of the Divine Mother, advocating the cult of Shakti ; while a vaisnava will see in Her a great bhakta, and so on. It is only after having known Her fairly closely and for a long time that one become aware of Her innumerable facets and of Her extraordinary universality. But let us examine one by one the incorrect or partly incorrect views about Mother that I have come across.

( I shall refer to the world 'tantrik' not in its etymological and true meaning, but in the way it is commonly under stood expecially by Western people, namely as the path of sadhana that makes use of sexuality in its practices.)

When I first came to India I was told by a young Westerner that he had been warned against Mother as She was supposed to be a " yogini directing 'shaktis'(female lovers)". This opinion can of course he held only by one who has never seen Mother and probably not even talked to any of Her devotees ; who is completely ignorant of the fact that strict brahmacharya (chastity) is one of the main requisites for admission into Mother's Ashrams, that moreover not only physical abstinence is necessary, but absolute purity of thought and emotion is aimed at. Says Mother : " It is the pure undefiled flower that finds a place at the feet of the Lord and nowhere else. Take great care to spend your life in spotless purity, worthy to be dedicated in worship to the Lord. " ('Matri Vani' No. 85.)

As to Mother's own person it is needless to say that the name given to Her by Her parents, namely Nirmala (immaculate) is more than justified : Such absolute, flawless purity cannot be found in any earthly or even heavenly being.

It has come to my ears that there are those who believe that Mother attracts people through magic or hypnotism with no other motive than to play with them. Someone from Europe who came to see me, related to me, he had been given to understand that there was a French doctor (the writer of this article) staying in Sri Anandamayi Ma's Ashram, whom She was keeping under the spell of Her hypnotic power. Someone had even been advised to try and rescue me.

To such deluded people we can only say that Mother is indeed a great divine magician, attracting to Herself innumerable men and women, who are under the spell of the terrible and powerful magician called Maya and hypnotized by the countless ties of mundane life. By the charm of Her divine love Mother hypnotizes them away from worldliness and with Her infinite patience gradually leads them " From the unreal to the Real, from ignorance to the Light of Wisdom, from death to Immortality."

I have read an article about Mother in which the writer referred to Her as 'a child of the Divine Mother'. The author had obviously the best intentions and felt deep reverence for Mother, but he evidently failed to recognize Her true greatness. Mother does not worship any aspect of God, being Herself the embodiment of THAT, from which all gods and goddesses emanate. It is of course true that Mother often speaks of Herself as little child and calls all married people Her fathers and mothers. But so far as I can understand, She is the kind of child to whom Sri Aurobindo refers when he writes that the Lord is an eternal child, playing an eternal play in an eternal garden.

In Shakti worship, devotion is directed towards the Divine in Its dynamic aspect, putting less stress on the static, transcendental consciousness (Shiva). The personifications of Shakti as Durga, Kali, Sri correspond to different methods of awakening kundalini, the creative power slumbering in man. These deities possess a relative reality. They represent certain aspects of the Divine condensed into name and form. Mother says it is like water in ice. But what manifests through Mother's physical frame is THAT in which all deities have their source. To say that Mother is an embodiment of Durga, Kali or any other deity, may be true, but it is only fragmentary truth. Says Mother : "The visions of gods and goddesses occur in accordance with one's inherited dispositions (samskaras) I am what I ever was and shall be. I am whatever you conceive, think or say," (Mother As Revealed to Me, p, 6.7.) and : " ...Thou art the embodiment of all gods and much more. Thou hast come out of me and I am the epitome of the created world…" (Id.p. 51-52).

The first nucleus of devotees that gathered around Mother were Bengalis of the upper classes who in their great majority are Shaktas. At present also there are quite a number of Shaktas among Mother's bhaktas. It is easy to understand why the worshippers of the Divine Mother are attracted to Mataji. Her followers often greet one another by exclaiming : "Jai Ma" and are fond of uttering the world 'Ma' in connection with pranava. These are mantras used by Shaktas. When kirtan is sung in the asrams the word 'Ma" can be frequently heard and also hymns to the Divine Mother. This is why people who are not well acquainted with Mother and Her ways may get the impression that Her teaching is based on the cult of Shakti. But those who have had the chance of becoming more intimately acquainted with Mother and Her surroundings know that among Her followers are not only a great many Vaisnavas, but also Vedantists, Sikhs, Jains, Christians, Jews and Mohammedans, The kirtans held in the ashrams are of Rama, Krisna, Shiva as well as of Devi or simply of 'Bhagavan' and some are purely advaitic, consisting of mantras from the Upanisads. The recitation of portions from the Bhagavad Gita, the Durga Saptashati, the Upanisads and the Bhagavata Purana forms part of the daily routine of the ashrams.

I have seen it in writing by authoritative hand that Sri Sri Anandamayi Ma is a great bhakta. Before coming to India I myself was under the impression that Mother was advocating bhakti marga (the path of devotion) and probably many people abroad as well as in India still hold this view. My wrong idea about Mother was based on the following facts :

1. The bhavas.

I had heard and read that in Her early days a great variety of extraordinary raptures and divine ecstasies had been observed in Mother, especially when She listened to devotional music. But nowadays things have evidently changed. For the last nine years I have been with Mother, yet have never once witnessed any state of this kind. Those who live near Mother cannot help marveling at Her wonderful poise and balance, which is quite unshakable. Behind the superficial emotions that are but a momentary identification with the people who happened to approach Her, She is ever in a state of undisturbed, profound joy and peace, far beyond emotion. Sometimes while singing kirtan, Her features seem to express deep religious feeling ; but no sooner has She stopped singing in the twinkle of an eye, She resumes Her calm and serene countenance. Obviously, She has merely played with the religious emotion, perhaps to give an example to devotional people.

As regards the bhakta of Her early life, I suppose they occurred in response to the expectations and desires of the devotees of those days and were nothing more than a play on the surface. Mother can often be heard to say that She has ever been the same since Her infancy, notwithstanding all the apparent outer changes. As the pure crystal takes on the colour and reflects the object placed before it without actually undergoing any change itself, so Mother appears to be different according to Her surroundings.

2) The kirtans.

Mother greatly encourages the singing of devotional music. kirtan before sunrise and after sunset forms part of the daily programme of the ashrams. Wherever Mother happens to be kirtan is performed as a rule. She Herself sings off and on, even during public gatherings. But at the same time Mother also encourages other spiritual exercises, such as japa, dhyana (meditation), etc. in the case of those who are able and willing to engage in those practices. For many people kirtan is a simple and effective method of luring the mind from worldliness to divine things through the medium of music.

3) The devotees.

Quite a lot of the people close to Mother are of the devotional type . Bhakti marga, being the easiest path, is followed by the majority of aspirants. But among Mother's devotees all other types of sadhaka is are also to be found, namely those whose approach is by karma, yoga or Jnana marga, etc.

Without a doubt Mother teaches the highest truth as found in the Upanisads. "This body presents the matter from the standpoint of the Rishis and Munis, from the line of approach that they choose." (Ananda Varta, Vol. V/3, p. 205). But Mother does not belong to any sect, creed or school of thought. The 'Real' which She embodies and teaches is THAT from which all things emerge and in which they are rooted; but "THAT" itself is beyond caste and creed, beyond religion and philosophy. It cannot be described in words, nor measured by the mind in terms of name and form. However, for the sadhaka, the individual on the path, a line of approach through the channel of the mind is necessary. Says Mother :"In fact seekers after Truth are made each in a particular way, different from others as well as from one another, but in any case they have to pass through the gate of Truth." (Ananda Varta, Vol. V/3, p. 204.) and "When discussing creeds and paths one has to remember that it is only while on the way that one speaks of various paths………" "But where there is no question of my doctrine nor of controversy, there is He at the root b -He who is present in all these innumerable guises." (Ananda Varta, Vol. V/3p. 205)

The seers saints and yogis who attained to Self-realization have almost all followed a definite line of approach. After becoming spiritual preceptors they lead their disciples along the path they have themselves trodden, although it is true that some of them are able to guide aspirants by a few other lines of sadhana as well. But most of them prescribe a definite method by which Truth will be apprehended, as for example Self inquiry, or japa, or self surrender and so on. The consequence of adhering to one particular line of approach in preference to all the others is that only aspirants of a special type are able to get the benefit of such a Guru's guidance. But the divine power that manifests through Sri Sri Ma Anandamayi is characterized by an extraordinary integrality and versatility as regards the knowledge of spiritual practices. It seems quite unfathomable that a being should exist to whom no path of sadhana is unknown.

In her early life, during a period of about six years, Mother played the role of a sadhika. It was nothing more than play, for Mother had never been in ignorance or bondage. Says Mother: "Let me tell you that what I am, I have been from my infancy. But when the different stage of sadhana were being manifested through this body, there was something's like a superimposition of a Jnana (ignorance)." But what sort of a Jnana was that ? it was really Jnana masquerading as an Jnana."

(Mother as Seen by Her Devotees, p. 143)

As a rule, it takes a whole like or something lives to master one line of sadhana. But Mother in the short span of six years traversed untold spiritual paths will al their stage and states up to perfection. Every avenue to Truth has been explored and mastered by her. Some of those sadhanas are extremely difficult and perilous. Only exceptionally gifted and bold aspirants are able to use them. The few who succeeds reach only after long and strenuous efforts and after a great many ups and downs, whereas Mother accomplished all those practices without the least strain exertion, just as a matter of play and in an incredibly short spell time. The following utterances of Mother about this topic are quoted from Amulya K Datta's diary, translated by himself from the Bengali original.

"I may tell you that this body has not followed only one particular line of sadhana, but has covered all the known lines. It has passed through all the different varieties of practices referred to by the sages of ancient times. This body has successfully gone through nama sadhana, hatha yoga with its various asanas and through diverse other yogas. One after another, in order to attain to a particulars state along one of those lines of sadhana an ordinary individual may have to be born again and again; but in the case of this body it was a ratter of a few seconds…Moreover the different forums of sadhana that this body has been to practice, were not meant for this body, they were meant for all… When you relate your spiritual experience to me, I often say that this body had those experiences and this is why it know what they are. Not only that: if anyone disclose to this body a special line of sadhana, it can describe in minute details the various stages of that very line."

We may conclude that Mother is able to guide every type of sadhaka, no matter what his avenue of approach or his level of attainment. This is why in Mother's ashrams there in an astonishing diversity of seekers after Truth. Those who follow Jnana marga live side by side with those who practise bhakti yoga or karma or hatha yoga, etc. In general, the sadhaka is required to mould oneself according to the pattern given by the Guru. But Mother guides him along the line he is already following and indicates the one that is best suited to his temperament and conditioning. She bestows of him knowledge ad power. A knowledge and a power that are not imposed from but come by bringing to the surface the satvic mind, the higher self, which will in due course lead to the revelation of she Real Self, the ONE.

A great number of Westerners have already come in contact with Sri Sri Ma Anandmayi, and more and more are most probably still to come. Almost all are deeply impressed; many are eager to keep up the contact with Her -some even venerate Her as their Guru. A few have devoted their life to Her and live under Her guidance. But most of them find it more or less difficult to adapt themselves to Indian surroundings -a few complain of lack of understanding. A few are obviously not adapted and even in conflict with their surroundings. The reason is, it seems to me, a confusion of different levels of thinking. This confusion is quite common, for the whole illusion of the mind is built on mistaking one thing for another. But Westerners coming to India in quest of spirituality are not quite common people, and we may expect that they will behave accordingly. Those who, for the sake of the Supreme, have left their family, their country, a comfortable life in a suitable climate to stay in environments where all details of what is a natural and comfortable daily life for others, require a painful effort of adjustment, are surely not ordinary people.

Let us then examine where this confusion of planes of thinking lies. Our relationship with our human surroundings can be said to be simultaneously on four levels(1) The atmic sambandha -the relationship of oneness in the universal self,(2) The paramarthic sambandha, the link between the devotees of the same religion, or the worshippers of the same deity, (4) The Jati sambandha or blood relationship. These planes are of course not completely separate and interpenerate one another. But what is true on one level, may be false on the other. All men are one in the atmic sambandha , the relationship in the Universal self. This can hardly be called a plane of thinking. It is the final goal of all true spiritual seekers.

From the absolute point of view, there is only One consciousness which abides in all beings. The obvious differences of names and forms have only a transitory reality, or even as some say are quite unreal and illusory. Of course when one has realised this supreme Truth, no conflict or opposition can arise with regard to anybody or anything. This exalted consciousness is the one in which Sri Sri Ma Anandamayi lives, speaks, acts under all conditions, without any break, by day and by night since the very moment She has assumed a physical frame. For Her, there are no differences of race or nation, caste or creed. In Her eyes all are the manifestations of the same Divine Consciousness, nay her very own Self, as she has Herself stated on many occasions and in many ways. If it appears to us sometimes that she behaves differently with different people, it may be due to two reasons. First it may appear to us so from our limited angle of vision. As one advances on the spiritual path, one can understand progressively how the intellect of which we are so proud, and in which we have put all our faith, makes mistakes and deludes us continually. The second reason is that Mataji is not only a great realised being but also a great Guru among the greatest and what she does aim at awakening us to our true Nature. As regards Her attitude towards social customs and so on, it may be due to the above noted reasons. Further more a realised being is not a reformer, nor a founder of a new religion. He wants only to remind as of the Eternal Truth. "THOU ART THAT". Concerning social customs and so on He may take things as they are and use them as a lever to lead us to the recognition of the source of all suffering which is unawareness of our own real nature. To change the details without having penetrated to the root will not bring any real relief. But for us who have not realised our true nature it is not possible to live in this elevated state of consciousness. Let us then consider the paramarthic which is nearer at hand.

There is a deep kinship , a mystic brotherhood between all true spiritual seekers in the world, which can be felt at the first contact. By "a true spiritual seeker", I mean not those who have come for name and fame, nor those aiming at the development of psychic powers which will only increase their bondage; nor even the worshippers of deities who expect a reward here or hereafter; but those who have dedicated themselves

to the supreme, the Eternal Self abiding in all beings. It is of this relationship that we think when we call one another "Brother"-it is in this spirit that we have come to India in order to claim our right of inheritance to this immense treasure of wisdom, the Atma Vidya transmitted since the days of yore by the great Rishis, the great saints, the great sages of India among whom Sri Sri Anandamayi is one of the greatest among the great. Nobody in the world has ever expressed the highest Truth in such clear and sublime language as the Seers of India. No land has ever been blessed by so many Great Beings succeeding one another probably without any break for thousands and thousands of years. The flame of this wisdom has ever been kept burning brightly notwithstanding the invaders and the calamities in the country –much more, every saint, every seer, every sage has enriched this Divine Treasure by his own personal touch.

Our brothers of India generously open for us all the storehouses of the treasure. Every facility is given to Westerners coming to study the Wisdom of India. Indeed I have been moved to see how much interest and kindness our brother of India show to Westerners who have even a slight interest in spiritual matters. What then to say of the great sages who are much more eager than we ourselves are to bring us on the path leading to the knowledge of our divine Nature. It is with the great sages and above all, with the guru that the paramarthic sambandha finds it culmination. The guru is not only a teacher. No one who has not experienced it himself can possibly imagine the deep relationship that unites Guru and disciple. The tender love of the most affectionate Mother, the deep and manly affection of a father to his son, the faithfulness of the dearest friend, all these are contained in, and transcended by the love of the guru for the disciple. Nothing and nobody on earth or in heaven can ever break this relationship. It is stronger even than death. It finds its end only in the eternal Atman where guru and shishya merge into one.

Although Mataji does not give mantra diksha, formal initiation, a great number of people venerate her as their guru. Such a great being has no need to go through the ceremonial of a formal initiation. The shakti, the transmission of power, which is in fact the real initiation, can be given in many ways, as for example by touch, sparsha diksha, by mere sight, drishti diksha and even from a distance. The paramarthic sambandha unites the spiritual seekers, the guru and the disciple, and the disciples of the same guru(guru-bhai) in the deepest relationship one can ever have on earth, much more than blood relationship which pertain only to the physical body.

The paramathic sambandha is frequently mistaken for the dharmic sambandha, the religious relationship. And it is there that lies the knot of the misunderstanding. Although these relationships frequently go side by side, they signify two quite difference things. By dharmic sambandha I mean here the relationship between the member of the same religion; Catholics, Protestants, Jews, or the relationship between the worshippers in India, the vaishnavites etc.

In the West we think that man can change his religion, become a convert of another one if he so desires, but in India it is quite different. To every average cultured Indian it is self-evident that the religion in which we are born, is a part of our nature, as much our race, caste etc. the question of changing over to another religion does not arise. We are born is one or another religion according of samksaras, the impression left by our previous lives. Some Westerners coming to India with the idea of becoming converts of Hinduism are rapidly disappointed; this becomes an important point of friction with their surroundings and many misunderstandings may thus arise. Due to different habits of thinking deeply rooted in the subconscious mind, it is very different to grasp the point of view of another. Religion or in other words the approach to the supreme through the personal aspect by the medium of name and form, can be a great help to spiritual realization. But this name or form, must be deeply rooted in the subconscious mind.

Some exceptional Westerners who in reality are Indians born in the West only for a temporary sojourn, are able to adjust themselves to the worship of an Indian deity. But this can be effective only after advice by the guru. However, what is wanted is not to change one's religion, but to find the common ground where all religious have their source :the eternal one residing in the hearts of all. It happens frequently that Westerners get offended when not allowed to take part in a puja (worship festival) or to enter a Hindu temple. Orthodox Hindus are not idol worshippers as one imagines in the West. All images and name are for them merely different aspects of the "One". A particular form or name is used only to provide a focus for their devotion. This is not only the view of a few philosophers, but every average cultured Indian knows this as a fact.

Ever since I have come in contact with Indian culture I have been struck with admiration, seeing how profound and elaborate the science of worship is in India. It is not merely as one might think an outpouring of devotion, or religious emotion. Every detail of the image worshipped has its significance. The expression of the face, the colour of the skin the attitude, the gestures of the hands, the ornaments, all have a definite symbolical meaning. The worship is done by a qualified Brahmin. The words he uses in the worship are mostly mantras that have to be modulated with mindfulness in a certain way aiming at establishing a communion between him and the divine power. His movements are mudras, ritual gestures. The whole process of the puja (worship) is to the minutest detail arranged in such a way as to invoke one's inner response to the Divine Power.

In some temples this has been done without any break for generations and has created a very powerful religious and spiritual atmosphere in those place. The Hindu devotees coming to visit such a temple vibrate in harmony with this atmosphere, for the whole texture of the subconscious Indian mind has for thousands of generations been in the habit of responding to it. Whereas our subconscious mind, although we may be very sympathetic to Indian culture and religion, responds in quite a different way. The subconscious impressions one has acquired through early childhood education cannot be wiped out. The mental vibrations we would bring to such a place would not be in harmony with the atmosphere. It is just as if a non-musician sat in a symphony orchestra and played in his own rhythm and tune. Almost all religions have a code of regulations regarding the purity of food. The Hindu religion is one of them and much stress is given to the idea that pure food produces as its consequence a pure mind.

The defects in food can be of three kinds :

-Jati dosha -due to the unwholesome nature of the food itself (liquors, meat etc.).

-Nimitta dosha -due to uncleanliness (insects, hair, dirt etc).

-Ashraya-dosha -In Hindu religion it is believed that whoever cooks or touches cooked food transmits to it a part of his qualities -good or bad. For this reason orthodox Hindus are allowed to eat only food prepared by members of their caste or a higher one. There are many deep reason why these rules and the caste system which is related to them are a part of the Hindu religion. A religion is a like big temple where every stone, every pillars has its part to play. If one pillar is removed, the whole building may be in danger to collapse. It is under the shelter of this huge banyan tree of Hinduism that so many Rishis, Sages and Saints could grow up : it is the support of their spiritual culture. If this tree were to perish it would be a great loss to humanity.

The blood relationship, the Jati sambandha (family, nation, race etc.) can hardly provide a field for misunderstanding. It is evident to every thoughtful mind. But there are two more difference between the Western conception of blood relationship and the one recognised by the East. The first is that the Eastern sages think that it is not by mere chance that we have been born in surroundings of a particular kind, but as a consequence of our action and desires in previous lives. The second is that in the East, specially in India , race and religion are not separate as in the West, but are almost one and the same thing. The blood relationship is transient and does not last beyond the physical body. It is through Divine grace that the Western sadhakas in India have been uprooted from their natural soil. The manifold ties of blood relationship and the so subtle fetters of formal religion and rituals which bind fast so many aspirants, have by the Lord's grace been cut off all at once for them. Only the way of the Oneness in Universal Consciousness has been left open. Let them be grateful for this to the Divine Guide residing in the hearts of all.

Westerners are frequently puzzled by the multiplicity of Hindu gods thee apparent complexity of worship in the temples. Some of those who begin of understand the underlying unity behind that multiplicity and that the seemingly inextricable maze of the worship is but a sophisticated ritual, the fruit of thousands of years of experience, in which religious emotions are harnessed and discipline, would greatly like to participate in the worship and to gain recognition from orthodox Hindus as genuine admires, nay devotees of their religion. But when they are rejected, forbidden entrance into the temple or given to understand to defilement, they feel deeply disappointed, and go back to their country with resentment.

In the book In The Steps Of The Yogis [whose most part if not all will be on line soon in this very domain and has been published by Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan in Mumbai], the author, himself a Westerner, expresses his feelings when he came across these problems. The following are a few excepts in which this matter is dealt with.

At first glance the average Westerner might conclude that Indian sects from an inextricable confused tangle. In the West we like to have everything clearly classified, set out in order, lucid symmetric. Our religions have their well established dogmas, their leaders and their clergy organized in a patterned hierarchy. Hinduism is completely different and that is because the Hindu and the Western minds are in many ways utterly dissimilar. The average Hindu is much closer to natural springs than is his cultured Western counterpart.

If we watch nature in her operations, the growth of a tree, for instance, we see that the process is slow, unhurried, tentative almost. The branches spread out in no symmetrical pattern, and leave and flowers appear in apparent disorder. Geometrical shapes, even if they are suggested, are always imperfect. The final effect, however, if of the majestic beauty of a mighty tree. Like one of these great Banyan trees, Hinduism has grown in a seemingly anarchical fashion so that, at first sight, it might appear to be disconcertingly baffling, but a thorough study makes it clear that, despite their often extreme diversities, all Hindu sects are parts of one unified whole and that Hinduism is 0ne religion single and complete.

One may well ask what possible connection can exist between the dualism of a Madhavacharya and the absolute monism of a Shankaracharya, or between the Naga who does not even possess a garment to cover his nakedness, and the religions layman who lays out a fortune in a mahayagya (big fire-sacrifice). But is all becomes clear when one recalls the principle of the adhikari bheda, so often repeated by the wise men of India. It is difficult to translate the term literally. It indicates the distinction between the man who is ready and the man who is not. The differences between individuals on intellectual and moral levels of achievement cannot be denied. The same principles, the same dogmas, the same religious objective are not equally valid for men. Hinduism takes these differences into account, and makes room within its framework for every human type. From the illiterate peasant to the most highly evolved intellectual, all men will find, within it, the rites and the teaching most suited of their needs. The man who is ready, the adhikari, can devote himself directly to the quest for the brahma Jnana, the knowledge of the self. For others, there are intermediate stage from which they may begin to advance towards perfection each according to him own capacity. No one, after all, would require a child at kindergarten to begin by learning to read and write until he finally reached the stage when he would be able to undertake the study of the philosopher's works.

Western religions hold that truth is one and absolute and that to teach otherwise is a very serious fault, "an intellectual crime". And if this is indeed so, why do the wise man of India teach or tolerate imperfect doctrines? But, as the unhappily celebrated Roman asked, "what is Truth" ? Absolute truth transcends metal categories; it can neither be explained nor taught. But it is possible to "realise," through direct perception, that there is only one great sea of "existence -consciousness". The world as it appears to us, is an illusion, a "prismatic chimera" which assumes it various forms only because it is refracted upon the screen of our mental structures. The mind may be said to be a magician who brings the phenomenal world into being and conceals the Real, and it is only by reducing the mind to complete silence that Truth may be apprehended. It follows therefore that everything that can be understood within the framework of thought and words is, by definition, false.

The wise man of India hold that the purpose of religious teaching is not to expound the Truth, for the Truth in any case con not be grasped by the mind. The purpose or religious teaching, in their view, is to make the illusory personality receptive to an attitude which will make possible its annihilation in confrontation with the Real that transcends thought and word. And the shell within which this illusory personality is enclosed, the ego, maybe broken open in innumerable different ways, depending on the mental organization of each individual. That is why Indian sects should not be regarded as separate religious factions opposed to one an other. It is quite unjustified, for instance to make a parallel between Sivaism and Vaisnavism on the one hand Catholicism and Protestantism on the other.

It is true that at different period and in different parts of India some hostile rivalry seems to have existed between religious factions. This is proved by certain historical events, such as the battles between sects at the Kumbha-Mela in Hardwar, or by the well-known account of the famous twelfth century Vaisnava reformer Ramanuja. At the outset of his career this saint lived and preached in Sri Rangan in South-India. The ruling monarch Kerikala Chola of the Chola dynasty was a fanatical Shivaist who decreed that all his subjects should practise the cult of Siva. Ramanuja refused and the king gave orders to have him arrested. Ramanuja fled towards Mysore and one of his disciple attempting to cover his flight by appearing before the king, had his eyes put out by the cruel monarch. Reaching Mysore, Ramanuja was hospitably received by the Raja of the state, Vitala Deva, who at the time, was a Jain by religion. Ramanuja won the confidence of the king by curing his daughter who was believed to be possessed by a Brahma-rakshasa (a very powerful evil spirit). Raja Vitala Deva then became convert to Vaisvism and assumed the name of Vishnu Vardhana. Twelve years later, having heard of the death of his persecuter, King Chola, Ramanuja returned to Shi Rangam. Today however, religious intolerance between Hindus seems to have disappeared completely in India.

In cultured circles it is not infrequent for devotees to render homage to Shiva as well as to Krishna, to Rama and also to Kali.

In many temples if, for instance, the temple is consecrated to Shiva the central lingam may be surrounded by images of other deities. In kirtans (the community singing of religious hymns) the names of the gods of other sects are glorified impartially. Certainly there are bigots, jealous in the worship of one particular god, but even their particular point of view rests content with the occasional launching of an ironic in the direction of rival sects. The great teacher of India have made formidable achievements in reconciling different sects to each other. From Sankaracharya down to Ramakrishna and his disciple Vivekananda in more modern times, they have always taught that all deities are merely different aspect of the divine which is one and unique.

In happens in many families, that each individual, if he is sincerely religious, generally choose as Ishta-deva (his tutelary deity), the form which most completely satisfies his own aspirations. It may well be, for instance, that the husband prays to Shiva, his wife to Krishna, and one of the children, perhaps, to Durga or Kali, without this becoming a cause of family friction or embarrassment. In fact, it may be said of the various sects today, not only that they dwell in a state of peaceful coexistence, but that they are all interpenetrated by each other within the framework of the sanatana dharma (the eternal religion" one of the names of Hinduism).

I must say that I have consistently refrained from entering the Hindu temples or even visiting them. This is not due to any aversion of hostility on my part towards the gods of India and their rituals. Far from it, I have considerable admiration for the quasi scientific manner in which the Hindus have elaborated their cult of deities. Nor is it due to fear that I may find myself in a situation analogous to that the devil who fell into a font of holy water. True, the sacred precincts of most temples are forbidden to the non Hindu, but compromises with Heaven are always possible and in my sadhu's robe I could easily gain admittance if I so wished. Moreover, the law in modern India compels most temples to permit free entry. The reason for my restraint is quite otherwise. The fact is that the orthodox Hindu, even if is no quite conscious of this, feels that his sanctuary is polluted by the penetration of a Westerner; and to violate religious feeling of any kind whatever is something of which I strongly disapprove.

It may be remarked, too, that that brahmans are not entirely mistaken in their belief that the presence of a stranger creates a disturbance of some sort in the atmosphere of their temples. Like so many other mental attitudes of the Hindu this is difficult for a Westerner to understand, for such understanding requires knowledge of a psychological texture fundamentally different from our own. As I have already pointed out, the Hindu is much closer to natural beginnings than we are. The "umbilical cord" connecting his thought to the collective unconscious has not been cut as it has in the case of most Western minds. The Western mind is centered in a powerful intellect, a clear, logical consciousness bent on shaping the world around it in its own image. By contrast, primitive man in a traditional civilization, does not seek to dominate nature or to wrest her secret from her. For him the highest art lies in making his own like vibrate in harmony the whole complex of the cosmic like, like the movement of a wave fitting organically into the great movement of the waves of the ocean. On the lower levels such an attitude produces herd men, dumb driven cattle. But on the higher rungs of development the have becomes a centre of consciousness open to cosmic forces and to intuitive perception which transcend logical thinking. When the ordinary Hindu goes in to a temple, he "feels" something as direct perception which he cannot formulate in words because the discursive aspect of his mind is not very highly developed. This something is a combination of inner peace, and of the joy of the harmony which is experienced (in degrees varying with the individual) when contact is made, even in only for a split second, with the cosmic life. The mechanism through which this contact is achieved is complex the believing Hindu comes to his temple in a receptive state of mind. This is spontaneous and demands no conscious effort, for ever since childhood, his mind has been steeped in ideas and beliefs about the deity before which he has come to prostate himself. The temple too is generally very old, or has been constructed on an ancient site and is generally surrounded by an aura of legend and miracle. This atmosphere of sanctity which goes back to the time of its construction is kept alive by the daily puja (religious service) with in most cases has been performed uninterruptedly over centuries. The puja is an act of ceremonial magic which must be performed by a qualified Brahmin. Then again the religious fervour of numerous worshippers serve to increase even further the sense of sanctity so that it is hardly surprising that in certain temples the powerful religious atmosphere is almost palpable. The Hindu who comes to visit adds his own little drop to this sea of religious feeling, for the temple is part of an entire natural pattern into which he integrates harmoniously. The Westerner however, even though he may have strong sympathies for this pattern, everything he hears and sees will rouse within him associations of ideas very different from those of the Hindu. Thus for instance, the deafening clang of the gongs and cymbals of the arati (the conclusion of the religious service) which, for the Hindu, marks the climactic moment of religious fervor will, to the Westerner, be only an aggravation din. The sight of the idol will rouse ideas which, very often, will be irrelevant to what the image is supposed to represent and there will be many other disturbing factors too, stemming from the confrontation between two basically different cultures.

All this, the average Hindu understands instinctively. Moreover, the Indian, no matter how uncultured he may be, accepts it as a self-evident truth that the surface level of our mind is not what counts, that we are in fact worth what our samskaras are worth. The samskaras are the impression of experience, actions, beliefs and so that lie latent in our unconscious like innumerable seeds ready to germinate and bear fruit immediately if favorable circumstances offer. These impression derive not only from our lives since birth but also from the numerous pervious lives which we have lived. "You do not have the samskara which would enable you to harmonize with Hindu rituals." This is the single explanation which would be given by a cultivated Hindu.

The average Westerner believes in the possibility of an individual changing his religion, becoming a convert but in India, where religion is a living thing, any talk of conversion of Hinduism is met only with a smile; for religion is believed to be an organic part of the individual's being like his race and the caste into which he has been born. However this may be, "religious feeling," religious fervor", the love of the divine", all these are archetypes common on the entire human race. It is only the ritual details, the names and forms which set up the barriers, " the iron curtain" but most human beings find these useful for they act as sign posts along the road which leads to the realization of the infinite.

Time and again while walking along the streets of Benares, of Hardwar or Vrindavan, or while joining in a Durga Puja or a Shiva ratri (night of Shiva, an important festival), I have felt the intense religious fervor as an almost palpable thing; but at the same time I have understand how absurd it would be to attempt to integrate myself or to participate even if only in thought, in the details of the ritual. And yet, how I have longed to hold out hand to my brothers on the other side of the iron curtain.

It is almost impossible for us to believe in the death of our ‘self’. Deep down within ourselves, we ‘know’ that, as far as consciousness goes, we are indestructible. This fundamental belief in the reality of ‘self’, is more powerful and more convincing than any intellectual argument or mathematical proof.

The child knocking at the door, when asked who it is, replies, "Me", and if one asks him who ‘me’ is, he gets irritated and cries, "But It ‘s me .... me!" It is so clear, so evident to him, that he cannot imagine being asked to explain its meaning.

Control of the mind, rests, to a large extent on the faculty of being able to dissociate oneself from the instinctive consciousness. In this context, there is a word of Turenne to his own body which is noteworthy (Turenne was a famous general in France in the 17^th century): -

"You tremble, your poor carcass, "he was saying himself on the battlefield. "But you will tremble much more, if you knew where I want to lead you!" But that did not prevent him from being an exceptionally brave and remarkable general.

The teachings I received from the Guru, or from other great sages (and there were many), were rarely transmitted through the medium of speech. It was as if the guru, or the sage, entered within me, or, to be more precise, within that part of the universal consciousness which I call ‘myself’, and revealed directly, without words being necessary, an important truth, indicating the path to be for taken at the cross-roads, mysteriously releasing a source hidden within, an even sometimes directly showing a monster that had to be destroyed, hidden in the corner of the mind.

The goal of the sage is to show the path that leads to wisdom, and not to explain what wisdom consists of. The vision of truth that he has obtained, is a direct vision, beyond words. Should a person born blind, but who regains his sight, explain to others who are born blind, what he sees, or should he rather indicate to others, the means of recovering their sight? The basis of the relationship between the sage and others, therefore, has to be confidence and faith : what he is saying is not a lie, his experience is authentic, he is not mistaken. All scientific work is carried on the same basis, is it not? The doctor, the chemist and the scholar do not begin their work at zero, with a ‘clean slate’. They take into account a considerable number of experiments which others have carried out before them, without verifying them.

In our effort to escape from the circle of an universe based on sensations and corporal needs, we are forever enlarging, widening and sublimating this circle, thus creating innumerable false paths, innumerable shackles, and constantly incarcerating ourselves in new mental prisons.

Should the bee give up its efforts to soar towards freedom, fresh air, flowering trees and the gentle morning breeze ? Certainly not. But it must try and avoid breaking its head against a windowpane. Quite obviously, the period between abandoning a vain, search, and the discovery of true happiness, is from time to time a painful; one but is it not worth with standing the pain for some time? Besides, one realizes very quickly that, in reality, this intervening period is not quite as painful as one would think. To begin with, there is the joy of directing ones mind towards a search which is no longer futile, and which is really worth the trouble one takes in undertaking it. Then, gradually, one begins to perceive that happiness does not flow from sensory objects, but from reactions towards these objects. Once their reactions are controlled, one can always be happy, with or without sensory objects.

People in this world are like the fish out of water in a fish - monger’s shop. The rituals and ceremonies, like the fish need some water, from time to time, to survive. But for those already living within God, these rituals and ceremonies are not only superfluous, they also form an obstacle to spiritual evolution, a kind of strait - jacket which has to be discarded.

Human relationships are always in the nature of a conflict, because they involve a clash of egos, and because the nature of the ego is to take and not to give; even when apparently it gives, it does so only in the hope of getting back much more!

There is something touching about the behaviour of an adult, who, although he is mentally mature, conserves, in his deportment and his face, something of the child. Our hearts open out to him easily, although our minds cannot recognize precisely why we open our hearts to him, or why we are indulgent about his weaknesses.

The ascetic presses on the brake; the debauchee on the accelerator. The ascetic, or rather the apprentice - ascetic, searches for peace by rejecting sensual pleasures, but the conflict continues. The primordial force, which ha only retreated partially is always there , ready to counter-attack with double force, at the slightest sign of weakness. The debauchee always wants to live life without fear, without scruples, through this world and the next, yes, always! Isn’t it strange that the debauchee and the perfect yogi speak the same language? The extremes touch each other; yes, this is the happiness of Self, but the debauchee has not escaped the conflict. Deep within himself, he knows he is not happy, that he is deceiving himself. In moments of solitude he senses something terribly sad, terribly despairing, at the core of his being." "He has sold his soul to the devil," as the saying in Middle Ages went. There is some truth in it. He has renounced true happiness of Self.

The body has its consciousness, which I shall call the instinctive consciousness. The consciousness is a fabric of sensations which surrounds and clothes the body. More often than not, this fabric is constricting, uncomfortable and painful. The instinctive consciousness is constantly trying to make itself comfortable, to change painful sensations into pleasurable ones, and to relax by easing its tensions. It juggles with sensations, in the hope of attaining perfect equilibrium, an equilibrium which seems within its grasp for a fraction of a second, but which he is always losing. This fabric of sensations, I will call the tunic of Nessus (Hercules wore this tunic which started to burn him so much that he had to jump on a puyre in the hope to be released. He ended his days in this way). Like the tunic of Nessus, it makes us suffer, and obliges us to make an effort to get rid of it. This clothing does not have a fixed form, it changes constantly with the state of our bodies. The waves of strength and weakness, the feeling of uneasiness, the moments of exuberance experienced after a good meal, the bitter taste in the mouth caused by an excess of bile, the anguish of a difficult breathing, the irritation caused by infections of the respiratory tract, as well as all those maladies which well bred person dare not mention, even to himself, such as problems of gas, constipation, and genital infections - the instinctive consciousness concern itself with them all. Its role is to watch over the proper functioning and the entirety of the human body, which it does even more zealously than a mother watching over her child. For example, it takes only a simple incident like a thorn in a finger, for our entire consciousness to concentrate, as if magnetized, on that particular spot, and to try and remove the thorn. The control of the mind consists mainly of being able to dissociate oneself from this instinctive consciousness.

We have created a false dichotomy between the self and the world, between the exterior and the interior, etc ... This is useful only at the empirical level.